How to Communicate with Your Spouse During Divorce: Building Bridges, Not Walls

The way you communicate with your spouse during divorce can have a lasting effect on your relationship moving forward. Effective communication can help to streamline the divorce process and minimize the amount of time you spend in court. It can also be particularly important to maintain amicable relations if you and your soon-to-be ex-spouse share children together. Not only can children pick up on your emotions as you go through the process of ending your marriage, but it can be beneficial for them to see their parents communicate respectfully with one another once the divorce has been finalized.

Here are some tips on how to communicate with your spouse during divorce, and after:

1. Be Respectful When Communicating

When communicating with your spouse during divorce, avoid name-calling, sarcasm, belittling, and other negative forms of communication. Practice active listening and maintain a composed demeanor when speaking with your spouse — or emailing and texting them. If you are feeling emotional, it’s ok to tell your spouse you need to take a break from the communication. It’s better to pick up a conversation later, once you’ve calmed down, rather than allow your emotions to get the better of you.

2. Think it Through Before Responding

As you prepare for divorce, emotions can run high. Before you respond to any communications from your spouse, think it through. Give yourself an appropriate amount of time before sending an email, text, or returning a phone call. It’s better to give yourself time to cool off, rather than respond in the heat of the moment and say something you will regret. Written communications (even informal text messages and emails) can be used as evidence in Court, so you should always respond in a business-like manner.

3. Stay Focused on the Issues at Hand

Couples have specific reasons for getting divorced, even when both spouses agree to part ways. When you are communicating with your spouse, it’s important to stick to the topic at hand. It can be all too easy to lose focus and talk about everything that went wrong in the marriage. For instance, if the subject concerns who will pick up the children from school, only discuss that — regardless of whether your spouse tries to bring up hurtful issues from the past.

4. Set Clear Boundaries

Understanding how to communicate with your spouse during divorce also means creating boundaries. It’s important to set healthy boundaries with your ex-spouse during the divorce process and moving forward, especially if you will be co-parenting together. Boundaries are crucial for your emotional well-being and can help you avoid feeling overwhelmed. Whether they involve the need for space, social media use, mutual friends, or communication, be straightforward when establishing boundaries with your spouse to avoid misunderstandings.

5. Know When to Say “No”

Knowing how to communicate with your spouse during divorce also means knowing when to say no. If your ex ignores your boundaries or sends you negative messages, it’s ok to limit your communication with them. Make rules for communication and let your spouse know that you will not respond to any harassing emails or angry texts that don’t have to do with custody matters or other specific issues that must be addressed. If you establish a boundary - be sure to maintain it.

6. Consider Using a Co-Parenting App

If you and your spouse cannot respectfully communicate about your children without arguing, it may be beneficial to use a co-parenting app. This can help you communicate about school events, extracurricular activities, medical appointments, and other issues that everyone needs to be on the same page about. In addition, the messaging capabilities offered by these apps can often be more effective than emailing or texting — some even provide functions that prevent you from sending messages using negative language.

7. Don’t Make Disparaging Remarks About Your Spouse in Front of the Children

Making disparaging remarks about your spouse in front of your children doesn’t hurt your spouse — it hurts your children and your relationship with them. By saying bad things about your ex to your children, you can hurt their self-esteem and make them feel like they need to take sides. If the bad mouthing is severe enough, your ex could make the argument of parental alienation to the court and your custody case could be harmed.

8. Develop Healthy Communication Skills

If you don’t know how to communicate with your spouse during divorce, the mediation process can provide you with the tools you need. Often, mediation helps spouses develop the necessary skills for respectful communication not only as they go through the divorce process, but also as they work together as co-parents. Mediation can also be useful in eliminating any hostility, conflict, and contentiousness between spouses during divorce to ensure their next chapter as co-parents will be successful.

Contact an Experienced Maryland Divorce Attorney

Knowing how to communicate with your spouse during divorce can be a challenge. However, a compassionate and reliable divorce attorney can help make the process of ending your marriage easier. At the Law Office of Shelly M. Ingram, our Fulton, Maryland divorce lawyers are committed to helping you obtain the best possible outcome in your case. Trained in collaborative divorce, mediation, and traditional divorce litigation strategies, we will work with you to find a solution that is right for your situation. To schedule a confidential consultation with an experienced Maple Lawn divorce attorney, call us at (301) 658-7354 or contact us online.