Relationship Advice From a Maryland Divorce Attorney

You may think that as a divorce lawyer, I am waiting for your marriage to fail. I’m not. But I have seen the results of many unsuccessful marriages and relationships. Here are some marriage tips and relationship advice from a Maryland divorce attorney that will, with any luck, keep you happily married to your spouse.

Why Take Marriage Tips from a Divorce Lawyer

Second to therapists, family law attorneys have some of the most exposure to what happens when relationships fail. Divorce lawyers spend their days sorting out family affairs, helping their clients separate their emotions from their practical needs, and resolving disputes between co-parents. We know what causes marriages to fail. Often, we can see what would have kept families together, had it been done sooner. It may seem strange to take relationship advice from a Maryland divorce attorney, but since we know what causes marriages to fail, we can also help yours succeed.

1. Treat Your Marriage Like a Partnership

Early on, many people will see marriage as a romance, powered by passion and emotion. They assume everything will go well because both partners love each other very much. One piece of relationship advice a divorce lawyer can offer is that, even in these early days, you should treat your marriage like a partnership. Be clear and specific about your expectations around each partner’s roles, obligations, and contributions. For example, if one spouse expects to be a stay-at-home parent and the other anticipates living in a two-income household, that can create tension after the couple’s first child is born.

These kinds of conversations should begin even before the wedding day. If it helps, consider putting together a domestic partnership agreement or prenuptial agreement to address things like shared expenses, separate property, and domestic responsibilities. That way, both spouses know they have shared expectations around their home, family, and work lives going forward.

2. Be Honest About Money

Financial trouble is one of the most common causes of divorce. All too often, when a couple is seeking a divorce because of money, only one spouse will understand the family’s financial situation, or how they got there. This isn’t just a matter of trust. Secrecy around money can lead to spouses failing to maintain the family budget, or not understanding limits on household resources. In some cases, the less informed spouse can feel like their husband or wife is trying to control them through money.

Both spouses need to understand their joint finances each month. Big financial decisions, such as buying a home or a car, should be made together. No one in the relationship should have a secret bank account or credit card. If you ignore this relationship advice, it could result in a more costly divorce later on.

3. Work on Effective Communication Early

Many arguments that end in divorce start because spouses have trouble communicating. They may have learned different communication patterns in their homes growing up, or may not have the empathy to understand one another’s perspectives. This can lead to repeated arguments and growing resentment in a marriage, and ultimately divorce.

When working with collaborative divorce clients, one top priority for this Maryland divorce attorney is to teach my clients effective communication skills, so they can resolve disputes with their co-parent. But there is no reason you have to wait that long. By committing to effective communication and developing emotional intelligence skills early in your relationship, you increase the chances that you will be able to resolve your differences on your own, without ever going to court.

4. Don’t Gossip About Your Spouse, Even When You’re Mad

In a relationship, you should be your partner’s biggest advocate. Attorneys know a thing or two about advocacy. One of the best marriage tips I can give is you must know when not to talk about your spouse. When you are mad at your partner, it can be tempting to vent to friends or post negative comments online, but this kind of gossip can only hurt you in the end.

You should do your best to always build your spouse up in others’ eyes. While it may be appropriate to discuss your troubles with a confidante or get support from a loved one, you should avoid airing your relationship troubles publicly. Remember that anything said online could get back to your spouse, and that will only make your marital troubles worse.

5. Don’t Be Afraid to Ask for Help

Often, when only one spouse wants a divorce, the other will tell me that they want to try marriage counseling before giving up on the relationship. Still, some people are afraid of the stigma connected to couples therapy. They may be concerned that a therapist will say their troubles are “all their fault.” But that’s not the point of counseling. Working with a therapist can help you develop strategies to better deal with your spouse’s hang-ups and issues, while also addressing some of your own. It can also identify previously unrecognized mental health challenges holding both spouses back from living happy, fulfilled lives. Don’t be afraid to ask for help when living in a relationship gets tough. Working with a therapist today can keep you from having to hire a divorce attorney tomorrow.

At the Law Office of Shelly M. Ingram, we want what’s best for you and your family, whether or not that involves a divorce. We can help you resolve your marital disputes, and even prepare a prenuptial agreement or domestic partnership agreement, giving you structure for your relationship, and keeping you out of the Maryland divorce courts. If you have a legal need and would like to speak with an attorney, please call us at (301) 658-7354 or contact us through our website to schedule a consultation. We look forward to working with you.