Mediation

Child custody mediation can be an effective tool to help parents resolve disputes concerning custody matters and parenting time. Unlike the adversarial process of litigation, mediation promotes amicability between co-parents and tailored solutions that work for the whole family. Importantly, you know your children better than a judge in the courtroom — and mediation can help you and your co-parent reach a mutually agreeable resolution customized to your child’s unique needs.

Here are several ways mediation can help you resolve a child custody dispute:

Provide a Structured, Neutral Environment

Child custody mediation follows a structured process where a neutral third party, called a mediator, guides the discussion and helps parents develop a parenting plan that will meet their child’s best interests. Mediation takes place in a neutral environment that promotes cooperation, minimizes potential for disputes, and allows parents to openly share their concerns. After you and your co-parent have reached an agreement with the help of a mediator, a parenting plan will be drafted, signed, and submitted to the court for approval.

Reduce Conflict

In contrast with litigation, child custody mediation focuses on reducing conflict and preserving your co-parenting relationship. Not only can this help you reach a resolution more efficiently, but mediation can also provide you with the tools you need for effective communication with your co-parent in the future. Significantly, avoiding a lengthy and contentious battle in the courtroom can spare your children from the emotional impact that can be associated with a custody dispute.

Encourage Open Communication and Collaboration

Mediation encourages open communication and collaboration between co-parents. You and your co-parent can identify your priorities and brainstorm ideas that will work for your family. This collaborative approach can help you and your co-parent build a more positive relationship moving forward. Additionally, parents who create their own parenting plan for their children are more likely to respect the terms and comply with the agreement.

Provide Flexibility

Flexibility is key in a co-parenting relationship. Mediation can allow you to find ways to be flexible when it comes to visitation, holidays, decision-making responsibilities, relocation, and other custody issues. Notably, you and your co-parent can tailor your plan to fit your family dynamics.

Help You Find Creative Solutions

Child custody mediation can help you find creative solutions that might not be available in the courtroom. Instead of entering into a court-ordered inflexible arrangement, mediation can enable you and your co-parent to create a parenting plan that meets the needs of your family. You can develop a customized parenting time schedule that accommodates your work commitments, your children’s extracurricular activities, and your child’s educational needs — instead of being required to adhere to a strict alternating weekend schedule that might be imposed by the court.

Empower You to Make Decisions That Impact Your Child

With mediation, you do not have to rely on a judge to decide the issues and schedule that may impact your family for years to come. Child custody mediation empowers you and your co-parent to determine what custody arrangement and parenting time schedule is best for your child. In addition, parents are usually more satisfied with the outcome when they decide custody issues between themselves, rather than litigating them.

Reduce Stress

Child custody mediation provides a less adversarial environment than a court proceeding. The process allows you and your co-parent to communicate your concerns and goals in a calm setting. By facilitating healthy communication, a mediator can help to minimize the potential for conflict and prevent further emotional harm to you, your co-parent, and your children.

Strengthen Your Co-Parenting Relationship

Mediation can lead to better co-parenting — and a stronger co-parenting relationship. The process encourages healthy communication strategies and active listening now, and can help to cultivate those skills for the future. If the needs of your child change over time, you will have strong communication tools to navigate the process of making adjustments to your parenting plan without conflict.

Focus on the Best Interests of Your Child

When creating a parenting time agreement, modifying a custody arrangement, or dealing with a custody dispute, the best interests of your child should come first and foremost. Child custody mediation can shift the focus from parental conflict to your child’s well-being. A mediator can not only assist you and your co-parent in understanding each other’s perspectives, but they can also help you consider your child’s emotional, physical, and psychological needs. Mediation can also be useful to establish consistent routines for your child and ensure they maintain a healthy relationship with each parent.

Contact an Experienced Maryland Family Law Attorney

Child custody mediation can be an effective, cost-efficient, and amicable way to resolve conflicts related to custody and parenting time. At the Law Office of Shelly M. Ingram, all of our Fulton, Maryland divorce attorneys are trained in collaborative divorce, mediation, and traditional divorce litigation. We will work closely with you to find a strategy that will ensure the best possible outcome in your case.

To schedule a confidential consultation with an experienced Maple Lawn divorce attorney, call us at (240) 652-2596">(240) 652-2596 or contact us online.

Mediation is a form of alternative dispute resolution that empowers you and your spouse to make decisions about the outcome of your case out of court. However, once you and your spouse have reached an agreement, there are still additional steps that must be taken to finalize your divorce. If you’ve completed the divorce mediation process, you might be wondering what happens next. While we discussed what to expect during the mediation process in Part 1 of this blog series and how to prepare in Part 2, in this blog post, we will explain what happens after the divorce mediation process is over.

Draft a Written Agreement

Once you have reached an agreement with your spouse in mediation, the most challenging aspect of your divorce case is over. However, the terms of the agreement will still need to be compiled and memorialized in a signed, written settlement agreement. Your agreement should include provisions for all aspects of your divorce that were discussed and resolved in mediation, including the following:

• Property division
• Debt allocation
• Child custody and visitation
• Child support
• Spousal support
• Who will manage a family business
• How financial matters will be handled
• Who gets custody of the family pets

If there were certain aspects of your divorce that were unresolved during mediation, these issues will either have to be agreed upon at a later time or a judge will need to decide them in court.

Review the Settlement

After the settlement agreement is drafted, it’s essential to review the document with an attorney before it is signed or submitted to the court. This is a stage of the divorce mediation process that should not be rushed. It’s important to take the time to make sure that the terms of the agreement reflect what you discussed in mediation — and that you fully understand the terms. You should also consider any tax implications that could arise in connection with asset division and speak with an accountant if necessary, again - before the agreement is signed.

If you are uncomfortable with any of the terms of the settlement agreement, you can revisit the terms in a follow-up mediation or with the assistance of an attorney. In addition, if there are any mistakes in the agreement or provisions that should be added, deleted, or modified, the time to make the necessary corrections to ensure your rights are protected is before anything is signed.

File the Agreement and Wait to Receive Your Divorce Decree

In order for the mediation settlement agreement to be legally binding, it will need to be signed. In Order for the Agreement to serve as a basis for your Judgment of Absolute Divorce, it must be filed in court, along with the documents required to obtain an uncontested divorce. A judge will review the agreement to ensure the terms are fair to both parties, and in the best interest of your children. After a judge approves the settlement agreement, it will be merged (but not incorporated) into a binding court order - your Judgment of Absolute Divorce.

After you’ve signed your settlement agreement and submitted the agreement to the Court as part of a divorce filing, the last step of the divorce mediation process is to attend an uncontested hearing and receive your Judgment of Absolute Divorce. This Judgment is the document that finalizes your divorce. Once you have received the Judgment of Absolute Divorce, you can legally identify as divorced, get your former name back, transfer assets according to the decree, and remarry. If either party violates any terms of the divorce judgment, the other party can file a motion to legally enforce the terms of the settlement agreement. In the event the court finds that any of the terms of the order were violated, that party could be held in contempt of court.

Can You Change Your Divorce Settlement Agreement?

In the final post of this blog series, we’ll discuss what happens after the divorce mediation process concludes. At the Law Office of Shelly M. Ingram, we provide personalized guidance to help you navigate the complexities of divorce. Contact us today to schedule a confidential consultation with an experienced Maryland divorce attorney.

One of the biggest advantages of the divorce mediation process is being able to enter into an agreement that both you and your spouse are satisfied with and will be less likely to want to change. Importantly, you can’t simply change your mind after you have signed a settlement agreement reached in mediation. This is why it’s vital to carefully consider the terms of the settlement agreement you reached in the divorce mediation process.

Changing a divorce decree can be difficult, and sometimes impossible, unless both parties later agree to a change. The terms of a divorce settlement agreement must be followed. In the event that a change is required, you and your former spouse may be able to use the mediation process to negotiate any post-divorce modifications. In Maryland, child custody and child support are always subject to modification based upon a material change in circumstances.

While you can petition the court at any time for a change to a child custody, child support, or alimony order if your former spouse doesn’t agree with your request, certain legal requirements must be met. For instance, if there is a substantial change in financial circumstances, child support may be modified. Child custody may also be modified if family circumstances or a child’s needs change. But if your divorce agreement specifies that certain provisions (such as alimony) cannot be modified, you would not be able to change the terms unless you can show there was fraud or duress.

It is always easier and more cost-effective to reach an out-of-court agreement, if possible.

Learn More About the Benefits of the Divorce Mediation Process

The divorce mediation process can offer many benefits to spouses who are parting ways, including cost-effectiveness, efficiency, and privacy. At the Law Office of Shelly M. Ingram, we can best advise you regarding the mediation process and discuss whether it is right for your situation. Our divorce attorneys are committed to guiding clients through the legal and emotional process associated with divorce, whether mediation, litigation, or another form of alternative dispute resolution is the best avenue to pursue.

Contact Us for a Consultation

Trained in mediation, collaborative divorce, and traditional divorce, at the Law Office of Shelly M. Ingram, we will help you achieve a solution that will accomplish your objectives. To schedule a confidential consultation with an experienced Maryland divorce attorney, call us at (240) 652-2596">(240) 652-2596 or contact us online.

If you’re thinking about parting ways with your spouse, divorce mediation can offer numerous advantages over the traditional litigation process. For instance, it can allow you to part ways cost-effectively, peacefully, and amicably for the benefit of your children. However, it’s important to know how to prepare in advance so you and your spouse can get the most out of mediation. In Part 1 of this blog series, we discussed what you can expect during the mediation process for divorce — Part 2 explains the steps you can take to prepare for your mediation sessions.

Step 1: Know What Documentation to Bring with You to Mediation

Prior to your first mediation session, the mediator will probably give you a list of documents and information you should bring with you. They might also ask you to submit certain documents in advance for them to review. You will typically want to have the following information readily available when you go into the mediation session (it is not required, but may make your sessions more efficient):

• Court documents that have been filed, if any
• A list of marital and non-marital property
• A copy of any prenups or postnups that were signed
• Financial statements, credit card information, bank accounts, and loan documentation
• A list of monthly expenses
• Tax returns
• Investment portfolios
• Pay stubs
• Mortgage information
• Your calendar to schedule any follow-up sessions

For many couples, much of the mediation process will focus on finances and reaching a fair outcome concerning how marital property will be divided. Gather up-to-date figures about your income, assets, and debts, and have them on hand as soon as you know divorce is imminent. This can avoid wasting time later trying to find the information you will need in order for the mediator to assist you with reaching a fair agreement. Often you will have better access to this information before you separate and divorce is imminent. Similarly, if you have children, custody and support matters may be the focus of your case. You may need to bring information about their monthly expenses, schooling, health records, and other relevant documents so that the mediator can help you reach a resolution that is in your children’s best interests.

Step 2: Have a Clear Idea of the Issues You Want to Discuss in Mediation

Part 2 of this 3-part blog series, we delve into the essentials of preparing for divorce mediation and help you decide if it's the right path for you. At the Law Office of Shelly M. Ingram, we offer dedicated guidance to navigate the complexities of divorce, tailored to your unique situation. Contact us today to schedule a confidential consultation with an experienced Maryland divorce attorney.

One of the ways you can prepare for the divorce mediation process is to think about your goals and objectives in advance. It’s a good idea to know what your position is on each issue that must be decided in a divorce and what you want to discuss. Every divorce is different — and mediation is specifically tailored to the matters in your case. However, you may want to be prepared to discuss property division, debt allocation, spousal support, child custody, and child support.

Step 3: Be Open to Compromise

One of the most important things you can bring to the mediation process for divorce is an open mind. Mediation takes compromise and cooperation between both parties to be successful. Consider what issues you are willing to compromise on and which are non-negotiable for you. Be willing to explore different avenues for resolving the issues that must be decided. Unlike litigation, the divorce mediation process is flexible and allows spouses to work together collaboratively to reach a solution that might not be available in the courtroom.

Step 4: Prepare Yourself Emotionally

Although the divorce mediation process is less stressful and emotionally draining than litigation, you will still need to prepare yourself emotionally. Regardless of how long you were married, divorce can bring many big changes that can feel like a lot to handle. It’s essential to get the emotional help you need while you’re going through this transition in your life. Consider joining a support group or talking with a therapist. You should also be sure to practice self-care and maintain a healthy routine to reduce the mental and physical toll of divorce.

Step 5: Establish Communication Guidelines with Your Spouse Prior to Mediation

Before going to mediation, it’s crucial to establish guidelines for communication with your soon-to-be ex-spouse — especially if your divorce is less than amicable. While the divorce mediation process can equip you with the tools you need to communicate in a healthy and effective manner, it’s still a good idea to set parameters and boundaries. Agree to communicate respectfully, whether it is directly with each other, through your attorneys, by email, or in the presence of the mediator. Remember, mediation is not just a conversation - it is, in essence, an important business meeting, and it is always best to plan for this meeting in advance.

Contact an Experienced Maryland Divorce Attorney

The mediation process for divorce can offer many advantages to couples who are parting ways. It allows you to find solutions that meet your family’s needs — and will satisfy the best interests of your children. At the Law Office of Shelly M. Ingram, we provide dedicated counsel to guide you through the legal and emotional process of divorce, whether mediation, litigation, or another form of alternative dispute resolution is right for your case. Trained in mediation, collaborative divorce, and traditional divorce, we will work closely with you to achieve a solution that will accomplish your goals. To schedule a confidential consultation with an experienced Maryland divorce attorney, call us at (240) 652-2596">(240) 652-2596 or contact us online.

Divorce can be a stressful, costly, and lengthy process. If you’re considering parting ways with your spouse, it’s important to understand that litigation isn’t the only option — mediation is an alternative that can allow you to divorce cost-effectively, peacefully, and amicably. However, you might be wondering what to expect in divorce mediation. In Part 1 of this blog series, we will discuss what happens during the divorce mediation process and how to decide if mediation would be a good option for you.

Step 1: The Mediator Explains the Divorce Mediation Process

While every mediator handles their sessions differently, the first step typically involves paperwork and an intake of the parties. Otherwise, you may have already received documents to sign in advance and have reviewed them with your attorney prior to meeting with the mediator. After you and your spouse review the mediation agreement and agree to the terms and fee, the mediation process can begin.

During the first mediation session, the mediator will explain what to expect in divorce mediation and may present an agenda. They will give an overview of the process. You and your spouse will introduce yourselves and provide the mediator with background information about yourselves and your case.

Step 2: The Mediator Gathers Information and Documentation

For the divorce mediation process to be successful, the mediator and spouses must have a clear picture of the facts in the case and an ability to negotiate the issues. A mediator cannot give you legal advice, but they can explain the law from a neutral standpoint so you can make an informed decision. The mediator will gather information about what issues you and your spouse may agree upon — and what topics must be discussed during mediation.

Some of the issues that may need to be addressed in the mediation process for divorce can include:

• Property, asset, and debt division
• Spousal support
• Child support
• Child custody matters

Depending on the issues that must be worked out, the mediator might request various documents or request that documents be exchanged. While the mediator does not rule on evidence like a judge would, it can be helpful to have your mediator review things like bank statements, pay stubs, school schedules, and other documentation pertaining to the issues that need to be resolved in the case.

In Part 1 of this blog series, we will discuss what to expect in divorce mediation and how to decide if mediation would be a good option for you. At the Law Office of Shelly M. Ingram, we provide dedicated counsel to help you navigate the complexities of divorce, no matter what process is right for your case. Contact us to schedule a confidential consultation with an experienced Maryland divorce attorney.

Step 3: The Mediator Will Assist the Parties with Identifying Issues in the Case

Another stage to expect in the mediation process for divorce includes the framing stage. This is where a mediator helps each spouse outline their needs and interests and spouses will get the opportunity to communicate their concerns with one another. The mediator will guide the discussion to facilitate communication about your objectives, individual concerns, and priorities. Identifying the interests of each party helps to frame the primary goal of mediation — entering into a settlement that both spouses can accept.

You and your spouse may have shared objectives, especially when it comes to matters like child custody. A common interest can make achieving a settlement much easier. Unfortunately, it isn’t always possible to arrive at terms that fully satisfy the goals of both spouses. In such cases, compromise is necessary. Even if you and your spouse are contentious about a particular matter, a skillful mediator will be able to help you reach a mutually acceptable solution.

Step 4: Negotiations

Depending on the issues that must be resolved, only one mediation session may be needed. But usually, a few sessions are necessary to settle a divorce case. Once the issues have been framed and articulated clearly, the negotiation process will begin. Negotiations (within the context of mediation) usually begin with exploring the possible ways each issue can be settled in a divorce. With the assistance of the mediator, you and your spouse can brainstorm options until you compile a list of potential solutions — this almost always involves making concessions.

Divorce mediation is flexible. Unlike the court process, when you participate in the mediation process for divorce, you and your spouse will be able to reach creative solutions that work for the whole family. Significantly, you and your spouse are in control of the outcome with mediation, rather than the alternative - to allow a judge (who does not know you or your family) to decide the issues in your case. Mediation can allow you and your spouse to enter into creative arrangements that meet your unique circumstances, which go beyond the options available in traditional litigation.

Step 5: Drafting a Settlement Agreement

Once an agreement has been reached during the divorce mediation process, a written settlement agreement will be drafted. This agreement will address all the issues that must be decided in order to divorce and memorialize the resolutions you and your spouse reached for each issue. You and your spouse should review the document thoroughly with your respective attorneys before signing it.

Importantly, signing the settlement agreement does not finalize your divorce. The signed agreement will still need to be submitted to the court and signed by a judge to become part of the divorce decree. Once this has occurred, the agreement becomes a binding order which must be adhered to. If you or your spouse fail to follow the order, the other can bring an enforcement action in court.

Contact an Experienced Maryland Divorce Attorney

For many couples who choose to part ways, the mediation process for divorce can offer many advantages, including tailoring a resolution that fits the needs of their family and putting the best interests of their children first. At the Law Office of Shelly M. Ingram, we provide dedicated counsel to help you navigate the complexities of divorce, no matter what process is right for your case. Trained in mediation, collaborative divorce, and traditional divorce, we are committed to working closely with you to achieve a solution that will accomplish your goals. To schedule a confidential consultation with an experienced Maryland divorce attorney, call us at (240) 652-2596">(240) 652-2596 or contact us online.

Divorce mediation is a tool that helps Maryland couples dissolve their marriages peacefully and with respect for one another’s priorities. However, when emotions run high, it can lead you to wonder, “How does divorce mediation work?” The truth is, for mediation to work, both parties must be ready to compromise and cooperate to reach a mutually beneficial resolution. If you can do that, the settlement agreement you reach at mediation may outlast any order entered by the court. 

What Happens in Divorce Mediation?

The goal of divorce mediation is simple: to provide a space and a structure to allow you and your soon-to-be-ex-spouse to work through the disputed issues in your case, and come to terms you both can agree to. Divorce mediation is an “alternate dispute resolution” process that can be used to resolve:

• Child custody and visitation
• Child support
• Alimony
• Division of property
• Temporary issues (such as the payment of household expenses pending divorce)

Your mediator will not decide your case. They are not a judge, and in fact have no authority to reach a decision without your agreement. In most cases, they act as a neutral and are not permitted to give legal or financial advice. Instead, the mediator’s job is to facilitate negotiations between parties and their attorneys. A mediator can also use his or her experience to point out potential problems, and help parties find solutions to those problems. 

Mediation is confidential and protected. Your mediator is only allowed to disclose information necessary to prevent serious harm, death, or to defend themselves against mediation misconduct claims. Even the resulting settlement is confidential unless you and your spouse agree otherwise. This means you and your spouse can work through tough issues without worrying that what you say in the presence of the mediator will be used in court. In fact, your mediator cannot be subpoenaed as a witness. 

Mediation can take anywhere from a few hours to several days over the course of weeks or months, depending on the complexity of the case, and the parties’ needs. However, even lengthy mediation can be less expensive than going to trial. In addition, settlements reached through mediation give the parties more control over the details of their case, which in turn keeps them from having to return to court to resolve subsequent disputes. 

Will Your Divorce Go to Mediation?

Divorce mediation offers a low-conflict way for couples to resolve marriages and create a plan for the future. It can help avoid the time, expense, and emotional labor of litigation, and give more control over the outcome. Contact us to talk to a collaborative divorce attorney or schedule a mediation.

You and your spouse can choose to go to divorce mediation at any time before trial. (You can also mediate any post-judgment disputes.) In some cases, Maryland family courts will order parties to attend mediation to try to resolve the case without the need for trial. All appropriate contested custody and visitation cases are sent to mediation. 

However, in cases of domestic violence or child abuse, or when there is a substantial power difference between parties, mediation may not be appropriate –  a party with less bargaining power could feel pressured to agree to things that are not in their best interest. Maryland court rules prevent courts from ordering cases that involve a “genuine issue of abuse” to attend mediation. 

While the court can order parties to attend mediation, it can’t order parties to settle. If you and your spouse are unable to agree or resolve your issues in mediation, you can still have the matter decided by the Court.

Divorce Mediation Process

The specific process used for your divorce mediation will vary depending on your court, the issues, in your case, and your mediator. However, most mediations involve common steps.

Preparing for Mediation

The success of any divorce mediation depends on meaningful preparation by both parties. Often, when mediation needs to be adjourned or rescheduled it is because parties don’t have enough information to resolve their case. That’s why you and your divorce attorney (if you have one) should do the work to investigate your case and establish what the issues are before sitting down with the mediator. 

The most successful mediations begin with each party having a clear understanding of:

• The location and value of both parties’ assets
• The amounts of any debts (and whose name they are held in)
• Their priorities among the various issues
• Both parties’ work schedules (or how and when they are determined)
• The children’s school schedules, extracurricular activities, and other recurring events
• Reasonable household budgets after separation
• Employment, income, and compensation information
• Information on the availability of health, dental, and vision insurance
• Transportation time and costs for parenting exchanges

When divorce mediation happens within the context of litigation, this information is often gained through “discovery” – the formal exchange of documents and information that allows each party to develop his or her case. However, if you and your spouse are engaging in early divorce mediation, including before you separate, you will still want to gather information ahead of time to make the most efficient use of your time with the mediator. 

Many mediators ask each party to present a mediation summary describing the outstanding issues and proposed solutions in the days leading up to mediation. This is your opportunity to lay out your understanding of the financial and practical aspects of the divorce, and to propose a solution based on your priorities. You should not expect to agree with everything your spouse writes in their mediation summary. If you did, you wouldn’t need to go to mediation. Remember that this is a starting point. Your mediator will use these summaries to understand the key issues in the case, and evaluate how far apart the parties are, and how best to move them closer together. 

During Mediation

You and your spouse will be asked to be present at a specific time and place, often the mediator’s office. Modern divorce mediation sometimes happens electronically using video conferencing software. If you will be participating remotely, be certain you are in a place where you won’t be interrupted, have a reliable internet connection, and have water, tissues, and paper and pen available to you. Unless you and your spouse have agreed otherwise, you should not have anyone else present during your mediation. Exceptions to this may include:

• Translator or interpreter
• Financial planner or accountant
• Divorce coach or therapist

Each of these professionals can help you to better communicate with each other and with the mediator, or understand the practical impact of proposed solutions. However, you should never surprise your spouse with a third party’s presence. If you need a ride to mediation, ask your support person to remain outside the building, or return later to pick you up. 

During divorce mediation, your mediator will steer and facilitate conversation between the parties focusing on the issues you each identified as top priorities. They can do this in a variety of ways:

• Holding one-on-one meetings with each party
• “Shuttling” between parties who are both present, but in separate rooms
• Hosting joint sessions with everyone present
• Pausing or rescheduling mediation so the parties can investigate options, consider proposals, or release emotional tension

Mediation can take as long, or as short, as the parties need it to. You should feel comfortable asking for a break. Remember that external factors like hunger can make it hard to think clearly and moderate your emotions. If you find you need to use the restroom or get a snack, or if you are feeling overwhelmed with emotion for any reason, tell the mediator so they can find an appropriate time to pause. Then you can reconvene with a clear head. 

Preparing the Settlement Agreement

Mediation ends in one of two ways:

• Parties agree that further mediation will not help, and they return to court for litigation
• Parties reach an agreement and the mediator or their attorneys prepare a settlement agreement

Remember that you can come to a partial settlement, resolving some issues while leaving others up to the court. This is often highly effective in cases that involve unique legal issues, or where additional fact-finding is needed before a specific issue can be resolved (such as establishing the value of a piece of property or business interest). 

If you were ordered to attend mediation and were unable to resolve your case, the mediator may prepare a report stating only that you attended and that further mediation is not recommended, which you or your attorney can file with the court. 

However, if you do resolve some or all of your disputes, the mediator will prepare a written settlement agreement for both parties to sign. This is a binding legal contract that can only be set aside by the Maryland family court. You are not allowed to simply change your mind after signing the mediation agreement. Be sure to read everything carefully and ask any questions you may have about the language. The time to work out the details of your agreement is while you are still in mediation. Don’t be afraid to ask for clarification. 

What Happens After Mediation in Divorce?

A mediator cannot finalize your divorce. When mediation is complete, your case must go before a judge for the entry of a Judgment of Absolute Divorce. You or your divorce attorney can use your mediation agreement to prepare that judgment, including all its terms or simply refer to the document you and your spouse signed. Then, you can ask the court to sign a judgment formally ending your marriage and adopting the settlement you and your spouse reached together through mediation.

On the other hand, if you did not settle everything in mediation, the court will schedule the remaining issues in your case for trial. You can use a partial settlement to limit the issues presented at trial, which will make litigation faster and less expensive. However, anything not resolved with the help of the mediator will be up to the judge to decide. This means you and your spouse will have less control over that aspect of the case, and you will need to accept whatever the judge decides. 

What Can You Do to Make Mediation Successful?

Given the time, expense, and loss of control that comes with litigation, many attorneys and divorcing couples believe that mediation is a better way to end a marriage. However, as you can see, a successful mediation depends on both parties’ ability to cooperate and compromise. That can be hard when emotions run high. However, there are some things you can do to make the process easier and improve your chances of success:

• Work with a therapist or counselor to address your emotional needs outside mediation
• Stay open-minded and willing to consider other options
• Think of your spouse as a business partner to accomplish your goals
• Focus on objective aspects of your case, rather than telling your story
• Be practical with proposed solutions
• If something seems unreasonable, ask questions 
• Take breaks 
• Listen to your attorney, the mediator, and your spouse
• Know what is most important to you, and where you can be flexible
• For custody, visitation, and child support issues, put your children’s needs first

Divorce mediation offers a low-conflict way for couples to resolve their marriages and create a plan for the future of their family and their children. It can help you avoid the time, expense, and emotional labor of litigation, and give you more control over the outcome of your case. A trained mediator can guide you through custody, property, and financial issues in your divorce mediation to help each side protect his or her priorities and find common ground. All of the attorneys at the Law Office of Shelly M. Ingram, LLC are also trained mediators. Shelly has been a family law mediator since 2005, and has worked with numerous couples in Howard County and across Maryland to explore their options and communicate their needs in an honest and respectful manner. Call (240) 652-2596">(240) 652-2596 or contact us online to schedule a mediation or to speak with one of our attorneys about how to prepare for mediation.

Mediation can be a great tool for resolving disputes. It can help keep co-parents out of court, and help divorcing spouses resolve their cases quickly, and without the trouble of trial. Understanding what mediation is, and the different mediation techniques used in Maryland can help you make wise decisions in resolving your divorce or custody dispute.

What is Mediation?

Maryland mediation techniques allow the parties to come to a resolution on tough issues while still maintaining control over their own circumstances. Our attorneys understand these techniques and can help you choose a process that is right for you and your family. Contact us to talk to a collaborative divorce attorney or schedule a mediation.

Mediation is an alternative dispute resolution technique used instead of, or in addition to court proceedings. In all its various forms, mediation allows the parties to come to a resolution on tough issues while still maintaining control over their own circumstances. Parties (with or without attorneys) can work with a neutral third-party mediator to explore their options and negotiate a separation agreement or custody and parenting time schedule that honors both parties’ needs and interests. Within the family law setting, mediation can be used for:

• Child custody
• Parenting time
• Financial issues (Child Support, Alimony, Attorney’s Fees or Individual Expense Disputes)
• Modification of Custody, Child Support, or Alimony
• Property division

Many Maryland families prefer mediation to traditional divorce litigation because it is confidential, cooperative, and cost-effective. In many cases, resolving your divorce through a mediator is also faster than having your case heard by a judge. Maryland’s Mutual Consent Divorce requires that parties have a written settlement agreement that resolves all issues, and mediation is a terrific way to accomplish that task.

Mediation Techniques Used in Maryland

There are 4 general types of mediation techniques used in Maryland:

• Facilitative (or Traditional) Mediation
• Analytical Mediation
• Inclusive Mediation
• Transformative Mediation

Different attorneys and mediators may use one or more of these techniques in any given case. Often, a mediator will combine mediation techniques during the same session, so you may not even realize you have transitioned from one to another.

Facilitative Mediation (Traditional Mediation)

In facilitative mediation, the mediator facilitates a conversation between the parties (and sometimes their attorneys too). They may set the ground rules for how each question will be addressed, or how the parties will communicate, but they are generally there to help the parties reach their own solutions. In true facilitative mediation, the facilitator does not offer any opinions or suggestions. They simply make it easier for the parties to communicate. This works best in low-conflict situations, including in preparation for a mutual consent divorce.

Analytical Mediation

In analytical mediation, the mediator advises the parties on the strengths and weaknesses of each party’s suggested solutions. They may also suggest their own solutions. Unlike in some other mediation techniques, an analytical mediator may meet with just one party at a time. However, unlike in arbitration, an analytical mediator does not have the final say; the parties do. The goal here is to get to a resolution or compromise. It can be useful when two parties have different priorities in a divorce, or when one party’s initial proposal is contrary to Maryland law.

Inclusive Mediation

Inclusive mediation focuses on facilitating communication between parties who have trouble talking to one another. It uses a structured process to relay information between participants.

1. Each party presents and explains their preferred outcome
2. The mediators listen for the parties’ values, feelings, and topics to understand what is important to them
3. The mediators help the parties identify topics to be resolved
4. The parties brainstorm options to solve each topic
5. The parties consider whether the options that come out of the brainstorm meet their goals
6. The mediator helps finalize any agreement

Often inclusive mediation will use more than one mediator. These co-mediators will go between the parties and their attorneys, if any, to relay information. This makes inclusive mediation a useful mediation technique in high-conflict situations, such as child custody disputes.

Transformative Mediation

Transformative mediation acknowledges the emotional aspects of conflict: that it can make people feel weak or self-absorbed. These emotional responses can get in the way of resolving the actual dispute. Unlike in other mediation techniques, the parties set the ground rules for the conversation. The moderator listens to their conversation and may intervene to help them acknowledge another conflict viewpoint (“recognition”) and handle that conflict in a productive manner (“empowerment”). Essentially, the moderator is there to help the parties talk about what is most important to them. The moderator will not offer solutions or opinions about the parties’ positions. Transformative mediation is most effective when parties will have ongoing dialogue after the immediate dispute is over, as co-parents, for example, and need to be equipped to appreciate the other’s viewpoints.

Is Collaborative Law a Mediation Technique?

You may have heard of Collaborative Law or Collaborative Divorce as another alternative to traditional family law litigation. Collaborative divorce, like mediation, is a process that helps spouses and co-parents resolve their family law disputes outside of court. While collaborative law uses many mediation techniques and requires that professionals be mediation trained, it is not considered mediation. Should you and your spouse or co-parent opt into a collaborative model, you may choose to work with a mediator, divorce coach, or other neutral facilitator to help you communicate effectively and resolve your dispute.

At the Law Office of Shelly M. Ingram, our Maryland divorce lawyers are trained in collaborative divorce, mediation, and litigation strategies. We understand the different mediation techniques used in Maryland, and can help you choose a process that is right for you and your family. To talk to a collaborative divorce attorney or schedule a mediation, contact us today.

Some families are not well-suited to the conflict and high tension of an adversarial divorce trial. If divorce court sounds expensive, time consuming, and unhealthy, you may want to consider out of court alternatives. Which one is best for you will depend on the issues in your case, and how well you and your spouse get along, among other things. You should carefully consider alternative dispute resolution (ADR) options with your divorce lawyer before gearing up for trial.

Can You Get a Divorce Without Going to Court in Maryland?

The short answer to whether you can get a divorce without going to Court in Maryland is no. Only a judge can dissolve your marriage by signing a Judgment of Absolute Divorce. That will require a court hearing in front of a judge.

If divorce court sounds expensive, time consuming, and unhealthy, you may want to consider out of court alternatives.

But going to court and going to trial are two very different things. Using an alternative to divorce court, you may be able to resolve your marital issues out of court, before filing your Complaint. Maryland offers a Mutual Consent Divorce option for couples who can come to an agreement on their own. While at least one spouse still needs to appear in court, the single hearing in a Mutual Consent Divorce is short – often taking just five minutes – and often occurs within 45 days after the Complaint and Settlement Agreement are filed. That is far quicker and more convenient than traditional divorce litigation.

Why You Might Want a Divorce Without Court Involvement

No one knows your case like you do. Maryland judges hear thousands of divorces each year. They will never be able to consider every detail in every case. Their decisions often leave both spouses unhappy. You might want a divorce without court involvement to:

• Keep control over the outcome of your case
• Protect high-priority assets
• Shield your privacy from public court records
• Resolve matters more quickly
• Avoid me-versus-them mentality to improve future coparenting
• Protect your interests from perceived biases within the court system

Alternatives to Divorce Court

Each ADR process has its pros and cons. However, they are all options to help parties reach agreements and obtain an out of court divorce.

Negotiation

The least formal alternative to divorce court is negotiation. For some families, this happens entirely without lawyers at the kitchen table. For others, attorneys for each party can facilitate discussions in real time, or through the exchange of written settlement offers. Once all the issues are resolved, you can use the resulting Separation Agreement (also called a marital settlement agreement) to get a Judgment of Absolute Divorce.

The pros of negotiation are that it is relatively inexpensive and puts you and your partner in total control. Negotiation can also be done at any stage – even days before a divorce trial. Negotiation works best in families with limited resources, or where both parties are strong communicators with relatively equal bargaining power.

The main con for negotiation is the lack of structure. With no time constraints or other guidelines, negotiation can last indefinitely and may never result in agreement. When negotiation fails, the breakdown in communication can also harm future efforts to coparent or interact civilly.

Mediation

Mediation offers a neutral third-party to help parties communicate and stay on track. Mediation is a voluntary process where both parties work with a neutral facilitator to address concerns and resolve issues. Just like negotiation, mediation often happens while divorce litigation is pending. However, if you want an out-of-court divorce, you and your spouse may choose to meet with a mediator before filing your Complaint. Then, you can use the resulting mediation agreement to get divorced.

The pros of mediation include the same control over the outcome and reduced costs as negotiation. Mediation also provides more structure, including time limits, to help guide both parties toward resolution. Mediation works best when both parties are willing to compromise, and motivated to reach an agreement.

The cons to mediation often come from problems within a couple’s communication dynamics. Mediation may fail if one party has more bargaining power (such as in domestic violence cases) or if both parties don’t have access to financial records or account balances.

Arbitration

Arbitration looks like informal divorce litigation in front of a privately hired judge. The arbitrator may help the parties negotiate a resolution. However, if the parties fail to negotiate a resolution, the arbitrator has the authority to make a binding final decision based on the testimony of the parties and the evidence before them.

The biggest pro of arbitration is that it has a definite end. At the end of arbitration you will have a divorce resolution. Arbitration also doesn’t follow the same rules of evidence as a Maryland divorce court, so you can give the arbitrator more information about your family’s situation without worrying about issues like hearsay. Arbitration can work well in high-conflict cases where the need for a final decision is stronger than the need for ongoing collaboration. It is also often faster to get a hearing in front of an arbitrator than a trial in front of a judge.

However, there are many cons to arbitration. It can be expensive to hire an arbitrator. Also, when parties sign an arbitration agreement, they often waive their right to appeal the decision if the arbitrator applies the law incorrectly. Arbitration is fairly uncommon in Maryland family law cases.

Collaborative Divorce

Collaborative Divorce pairs parents and spouses with skilled coaches, therapists, and professionals to help them deal with the emotional challenges and financial changes that come with divorce. The process looks a lot like negotiation – with the parties and their attorneys meeting to work out divorce issues. However, the work between those meetings is designed to help the parties learn problem solving techniques and communication styles that will make them better co-parents in the future.

The pros of collaborative divorce come from its transparent, proactive, and respectful approach to family disputes. It isn’t just about resolving today’s issues, but learning a system for addressing conflicts that arise in the future. Collaborative treats the parties with dignity and helps both parents understand one another’s perspectives. Collaborative divorce is often seen as a more holistic alternative to divorce court.

The biggest cons to collaborative divorce is cost and scheduling. Collaborative is more expensive than negotiation or mediation, and frequently there can be delays due to the demands of collective scheduling. However, if you factor in the cost of expert witnesses and protracted litigation, Collaborative is often still cheaper than going to trial. In addition, the tools learned in the collaborative process reduce the risk of parties returning to court for post-judgment issues, so it may end up being considerably less expensive than traditional litigation long-term.

At the Law Office of Shelly M. Ingram, we understand that no one ADR tool is right for every family. If your goal is to keep your divorce out of court, we will meet with you and help you identify the ADR process that is right for you. If you have a legal need and would like to speak with an attorney, please call us at (240) 652-2596 or contact us through our website to schedule a consultation. We look forward to working with you.

Your divorce case has been referred to mediation. Or maybe you and your spouse are hoping to avoid lengthy litigation by mediating first and then filing for a Mutual Consent Divorce. If you want to make the most of your time and energy, here are some divorce mediation tips from someone who has participated in countless mediations as attorney and as mediator.

1. Understand Your Priorities

Many of the keys to a successful divorce mediation happen long before you and your lawyer (if you have one) arrive at the mediator’s office. Decide what parts of the divorce are most important to you and where you are willing to be flexible. By prioritizing your top concerns, you and your lawyer will be better able to weigh the settlement options you see during mediation. It can also be helpful to consider your spouse’s priorities, because this can be helpful in evaluating the value of concessions that you may be willing to consider.

2. Know What You’ve Got Going into Divorce Mediation

The divorce mediation process works to divide up the marital estate you and your spouse have collected over time. To know whether a property division is reasonable, you need to know what your marital property is worth and also have an understanding of associated liabilities, if any. Create an itemized list of the big assets, along with their values, as well as household debts. Be sure to include:

• Homes with approximate values and mortgage balances, as well as monthly payment obligation(s)
• Retirement accounts with current balances and loans, if any
• Vehicles with approximate values and payments due (monthly and total balance)
• Bank savings, checking, and investment accounts
• Cash value life insurance accounts, including the name of the policy holder and value
• Furniture
• Collectibles
• Boats, RVs, off-road vehicles, or watercraft, to include how each is titled, the approximate value, and and outstanding balance owed
• Credit account balances and monthly interest rates
• Medical debts
• Student loans, including the balance owed and how the loans are titled

3. Create a Realistic Spending Plan Ahead of Time

If your divorce will likely include child support or alimony, you will need to know how much is enough to support yourself and your children after the divorce. Create a realistic and conservative spending plan that includes household expenses, food, clothing, medical copays, and vehicle costs. This will help you understand what you will need, and make it easier to explain to your former spouse where the money will go. In Maryland, the Court requires a financial statement form in alimony and child support cases where the combined household income exceeds $15,000 per month. Even if you plan to keep your case out-of-court, this financial statement form can be a useful budgeting tool.

4. Create a Divorce Mediation Checklist for Unique Issues

No two families are the same. While divorce mediation includes many common topics, there may be some issues that are particularly important to your family, such as:

• Special education or health issues for children
• Insurance coverage for a dependent spouse
• Mortgage refinancing
• Business interests

Make a divorce mediation checklist of anything you definitely want to cover and bring it with you on the day of mediation. This will alert your mediator to any special situations they need to address, and help you ensure all your concerns are covered.

5. Come to Mediation Ready to Compromise

Litigation, trials, and the legal process are generally all about winning. Mediation is different. If you come to mediation with the goal of winning or getting out ahead, your mediation will fail. Instead, you need to be prepared to find compromise. Remember the alternative to mediation is an expensive, time consuming, public trial with a decision made by a judge who doesn’t know you or your circumstances. Weigh those costs against the “losses” presented at mediation to decide if it is worth it to stand your ground.

6. Keep the Kids Front and Center

Child-related divorce issues must be focused on what is practical, not just what is “right.”

If you have minor children in your household, their needs must be at the center of your negotiations. Custody, visitation, child support, and who gets the house all depend on what’s best for the kids. Child-related divorce issues must be focused on what is practical, not just what is “right.” Your goal should be making the transition as easy as possible for your children and (except in rare cases) helping them maintain a strong relationship with both parents.

7. Separate Emotions from Divorce Negotiations

Divorce is a highly emotional process. There is grief involved in a marriage lost, and with grief comes anger, sadness, regret, and frustration. These are all healthy, but when they come up during mediation that can interfere with an otherwise beneficial settlement. It is important to separate yourself from your emotions while negotiating with your spouse. Treat your spouse like a business partner or a contractor. There will be time to mourn your relationship later, after the divorce is final. Mediation is not therapy or counseling and a settlement reached in mediation, will rarely address your emotional needs.

8. Be Specific About the Terms of Your Divorce Settlement

Often post-judgment motions bring couples back to court because their original judgments weren’t clear about who was supposed to do what, when. You can avoid this added frustration by being specific in the terms of your divorce or separation agreement. Even if you and your spouse plan on being flexible with one another, having deadlines for things like mortgage refinancing and concrete visitation schedules give you something to fall back on when disagreements arise. You and your spouse can always agree to do something other than your mediation agreement requires if you both agree, but your agreement should serve as the guidelines for the worst of circumstances when communication or agreement is impossible.

9. Accept that It May Take More than One Session

The more issues there are in your divorce, the longer it may take to mediate. Often, the stress and emotions around separating your affairs can be overwhelming and you may need to take a break. That’s okay. Mediation sessions are typically scheduled for two or three hours. Mediations that exceed three hours tend to produce diminishing returns. Mediation can take multiple sessions over time. Sometimes people identify issues in mediation that they need to further investigate. When there are both custody and property issues to address, it is uncommon to be able to resolve all issues in one session. Having multiple mediation sessions or taking a break in between sessions can give you a chance to firm up any financial information you didn’t have going in, process your emotions, and brainstorm new ideas to solve those tough sticking points.

10. Get Your Divorce Settlement Agreement in Writing (or Recording)

Once you and your spouse have worked out all the details of your divorce settlement, your mediator will likely do one of two things:

• Record a full statement of the agreement
• Write out a mediation settlement agreement

An agreement created in mediation can be binding and it is important to have the terms of an agreement reviewed by an attorney to make sure you understand the terms and your legal rights. A written Separation and Property Agreement also makes it easier to have guidance in the future and a document that can be presented to the Court when you ask for divorce. If an agreement is reached in mediation, don’t leave without a plan to have your agreements recorded.

When you take the time to prepare for mediation and come prepared with an open mind, divorce mediation can be very successful and build positive momentum for separation and future coparenting. A trained mediator can guide you through custody, property, and financial issues in a manner that is calculated to help each side protect his or her priorities and find common ground. All of the attorneys at the Law Office of Shelly M. Ingram, LLC are also trained mediators. Shelly has been a family law mediator since 2005, and has worked with numerous couples in Howard County and across Maryland to explore their options and communicate their needs in an honest and respectful manner. To schedule a mediation or to speak with one of our attorney’s about how to prepare for mediation, contact us today.