What’s the Difference Between Co-Parenting and Parallel Parenting?

After a divorce or separation, you may be wondering how you will share parenting responsibilities with your former spouse or partner. Co-parenting and parallel parenting are two distinct shared parenting methods that can allow you and your ex to both have meaningful time with your children, and ensure their best interests are met. It’s essential to understand the difference between co-parenting vs. parallel parenting to determine which approach will work for your situation.

Key Takeaways

• Co-parenting is a structured parenting approach in which both parents work together to raise their children after divorce or separation.
• Parallel parenting involves minimal communication and interaction between parents, and is best for high conflict situations.
• You can start with parallel parenting and switch to co-parenting once your relationship with your ex stabilizes.
• A mediator or coach can be instrumental in helping you overcome challenges to ensure a successful co-parenting relationship.

What is Co-Parenting?

Co-parenting is a form of shared parenting in which you and your ex work together. Although you are no longer a couple, with a co-parenting arrangement, you are still a unit for the purpose of raising your children. This structure of parenting involves teamwork, respectful dialogue, cooperation, and shared responsibility. While co-parenting involves frequent communication, the ability to compromise, and some level of amicability, this approach may not work if your situation is high conflict or you and your ex are contentious.

In the event parents no longer live in the same household, cooperative co-parenting is the next best arrangement for raising children, whenever possible. It offers a stable and supportive environment for children, which can help boost their self-esteem and have a positive impact on their mental health. When children see their parents overcoming conflict and working together, it can provide a positive example and help them develop a strong sense of emotional security.

What is Parallel Parenting?

In contrast with co-parenting, parallel parenting involves little communication and minimal interaction between parents. Rather, you and your ex would raise your children in your own way, in your separate households. You would attend your children’s events separately and set your own rules in the home, without consulting with your ex. Communication in this structure is limited only to the logistics of the custody arrangement. Parents can still make shared decisions regarding healthcare, education, and other important matters, but these issues can either be predetermined in a parenting agreement or discussed through a parenting app.

It’s important not to resort to parallel parenting simply because it may be the easier option to avoid conflict. Co-parenting can still work if there is some discord between you and your ex, but it may require more effort. The parallel parenting approach is best reserved for situations where there has been domestic abuse or attempts at collaboration have continuously failed. Significantly, if you started with a parallel parenting relationship, you can always transition to co-parenting over time as your relationship with your ex stabilizes.

How to Determine Which Parenting Approach Best Fits Your Needs

Shared parenting isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach. There are many factors to consider when deciding which structure will work best for your family, including your own mental health and the best interests of your children. While you don’t need to be best friends with your ex in order to have a successful co-parenting relationship, you need to be realistic about your ability to communicate with them. A parallel parenting approach might better fit your needs if there is the potential for continued conflict that is detrimental to you and your children.

Some questions you should consider when determining whether co-parenting vs. parallel parenting is right for your situation include the following:

• Can you and your ex be civil to discuss parenting issues?
• Do your parenting styles align to ensure the children have consistency?
• How much do you want to communicate with your ex?
• How important is it to you to work together with your ex to parent?
• Can you and your ex attend school meetings and events together without conflict?
• Are either of you unwilling to respect the other’s boundaries?
• Which approach is more likely to keep conflict to a minimum for the benefit of your children?

Regardless of whether you choose the co-parenting vs. parallel parenting approach, it’s critical that you have the support you need to be successful. A coach or mediator can help you and your ex overcome challenges with communication, work with you to develop an effective parenting plan, and proactively address issues that can lead to disputes. They can also provide a safe environment to process your emotions, identify your boundaries, and help ensure your focus remains on your children while co-parenting, rather than the conflict with your ex.

Contact an Experienced Maryland Family Law Attorney

If you are wondering whether a co-parenting vs. parallel parenting approach is right for you, a knowledgeable family law attorney can best advise you. At the Law Office of Shelly M. Ingram, our Fulton, Maryland family law attorneys provide compassionate counsel and trusted representation for divorce and a variety of family law matters. All of our attorneys are trained in collaborative divorce, mediation, and traditional divorce litigation. To schedule a confidential consultation, call us at (301) 658-7354 or contact us online.