Blogs from September, 2022

Divorce is a highly emotional time for everyone involved, triggering sadness, grief, and anger for both parties. Having a plan for dealing with your spouse’s anger during divorce, and coping with your own, can help you reduce conflict and bring your marriage to a peaceful resolution without giving in to your emotions.

How Anger Can Affect the Divorce Process

At the Law Office of Shelly M. Ingram, our divorce attorneys understand how anger, grief, and other emotions can affect the divorce process. We can help you take a holistic approach to divorce, running interference between you and your spouse’s anger, and giving you space to process your own. We can connect you with professionals who can help you manage your emotional needs and help you come to a peaceful resolution that addresses your needs. We welcome you to contact us today to discuss your situation.

It is natural to feel angry when a marriage ends. Anger is a part of the grieving process. The reasons people file for divorce often come from places of hurt and anger. Especially when a marriage relationship falls apart quickly, the divorce process can start before either spouse has had a chance to process their anger and move on to acceptance.

When one or both parties are angry during the divorce process it can bring unnecessary conflict and increase the cost and time spent finalizing the divorce. Often, an angry spouse will:

• Make unreasonable demands
• Interfere with the divorce process
• Try to use the divorce to “get back” at their spouse
• Refuse to settle in favor of having their day in court in the hopes of a judge telling them they were right to be mad

This isn’t a one-way thing. Each spouse’s anger can increase antagonism in a divorce proceeding, and drive up conflict. When a spouse triggers the other’s anger, both sides will pay the price (and sometimes the children too), both financially and emotionally.

Coping with Anger During Divorce

One of the best ways to keep anger from affecting your divorce is to take steps to actively manage your own emotions. Find coping mechanisms that help you work through your negative emotions and address them in healthy ways. These could include:

• Building an emotional support structure
• Journaling or writing down your feelings (but don’t send them to your spouse, and be careful where these thoughts are saved as they could be subject to discovery!)
• Using physical activity to release anger and anxiety
• Strategically disengaging when emotions run high
• Joining a divorce support group or working with a divorce coach or therapist
• Adhere to a regular schedule (sleep and meal timing)
• Spend time with family and friends where you focus on things other than your divorce

There are also positive ways to use divorce-related anger. You may have good reason to be angry at a spouse who has been unfaithful to you, wasted family assets, or treated you with disrespect. You can use that anger to motivate yourself to set goals for your life post-divorce; define boundaries for co-parents and future romantic relationships; and motivate you to take steps to build your future success.

Dealing with Spousal Anger During Divorce

Unfortunately, you can’t control anyone’s emotions but your own. If your spouse is prone to anger, it will likely affect the way your divorce plays out. However, there are some strategies for dealing with spousal anger during divorce that can minimize the impact on you (and your children):

• Do not engage with your spouse’s anger. If they are emotional, acknowledge the anger. Take a break and return to the conversation after both of you are calm.
• Avoid antagonizing or blaming your spouse. Try to engage with them like a business partner: be direct, and focus on the forward-looking issues, rather than airing past grievances.
• Do not feel pressured to give in to your spouse just because they are angry. You can hear them out without making a substantive response. Talk to your attorney about any offer your spouse has made and decide if it meets your needs and goals, before you respond.
• When necessary, work through your attorney to provide distance and a cool head. You can focus on day to day interactions with your spouse and defer to your attorney when it comes to the divorce.

Anger and Abuse in Domestic Violence Divorces

No discussion of anger during divorce is complete without addressing the role anger plays in abusive family dynamics. Survivors of domestic violence often are more afraid of their partners’ anger than of the physical assault itself. When an abuser gets angry it can cause them to lash out physically, emotionally, and verbally, in a host of unpredictable and harmful ways.

Unfortunately, the start of a divorce is a dangerous time for domestic violence victims. When an abuser loses control of their spouse and the relationship as a whole, they will get angry, and may escalate their abusive tactics to regain control. If your spouse has a history of being verbally, emotionally, or physically abusive, you should talk to your divorce attorney and create a safety plan before you file any documents to build additional protections for yourself and for your children - and before your partner learns that the marriage is over.

At the Law Office of Shelly M. Ingram, our divorce attorneys understand how anger, grief, and other emotions can affect the divorce process. We can help you take a holistic approach to divorce, running interference between you and your spouse, and giving you space to process your own emotions. We can connect you with professionals who can help you process your emotions and help you find a peaceful resolution that will address your needs and the needs of your family. Call (240) 652-2596">(240) 652-2596 or complete our online information form to schedule a confidential consultation with one of our Maryland divorce attorneys.

It takes two people to be married, but only one person to be divorced. The breakdown of the marriage relationship doesn’t always feel the same to both parties. Often one spouse is ready for a divorce before the other. When that happens, your spouse may refuse to sign divorce papers or refuse to finalize a separation agreement. Maryland law provides options for spouses who want to get a divorce over their husband or wife’s objection.

Does My Spouse Have to Agree to Get Divorced?

If you are ready to get divorced, the divorce attorneys at the Law Office of Shelly M. Ingram are here to help. We can help negotiate with your spouse to reach a Separation Agreement or even agree on a Mutual Consent Divorce. But if your spouse refuses to sign divorce papers, we can also take the matter to court, freeing you from a marriage you no longer want. We will help you through the process.

Divorce is a difficult and emotional process. Having a spouse refuse to sign divorce papers can make it that much harder to move on from a relationship that has broken down. In Maryland, your spouse does not have to agree for you to get a divorce. Either spouse can file a Complaint for Absolute Divorce. The fact that your spouse believes the marriage can be saved through counseling or still wants to be married will not prevent the court from entering a judgment after the process is complete.

That said, if your spouse does agree that your marriage is over, it can significantly reduce the time, expense, and frustration involved in the divorce process. You and your spouse may be able to negotiate divorce terms you can agree on, either through mediation or on your own. If you and your spouse have a written separation and property settlement agreement, you can use the Maryland Mutual Consent Divorce process to shortcut the normal divorce timetable and get your case resolved more quickly.

What to Do if Your Spouse Refuses to Sign Divorce Papers

If you and your spouse can’t agree on a divorce settlement before filing, that’s okay. Your attorney can help you prepare and file a Complaint for Absolute Divorce without any cooperation from your spouse. Once the Complaint for Absolute Divorce is filed, it must be served on your spouse. This is another time when a spouse may interfere with the process moving forward. However, even if your spouse refuses to accept the documents from the process server, the case can still go forward. Your attorney can pursue service a different way and file proof with the court so the case can continue.

Default Divorce Options

If your spouse refuses to acknowledge the divorce paperwork they receive, it can actually work in your favor. Under Maryland law, your spouse has 30 days to file a response to your Complaint, or 60 days if they live out of state. If your spouse misses that deadline, your attorney may file a request for Order of Default and send them a notice with the hearing date.

If a default is entered, your spouse will then have a short window of 30 days to file a motion to vacate the default. A motion to vacate the default, once entered, must state the reasons that your spouse failed to respond on time and that it is equitable (fair) for the Court to excuse that failure. If your spouse doesn’t file the motion to vacate default within those 30 days, the court will schedule a default hearing and take testimony and evidence without your spouse’s participation.

Once the Court finds your spouse in default, if he or she still refuses to participate by attending the hearing the Court will enter a default judgment. The default judgment of divorce will likely include the relief you request, including child custody and visitation, support, and property divisions, provided you have sufficient evidence on your own to meet the requisite legal standards.

Refusal to Sign or File Court Papers For Divorce After Settlement

In other cases, your spouse might participate or even initiate the divorce process, but then when it comes time for settlement, refuse to sign an agreement that he or she proposed. Once a Separation Agreement that addresses custody, support and property division is put together as a formal contract and signed, it cannot be easily set aside. If your spouse signed a Separation Agreement but now won’t agree to a Judgment of Absolute Divorce, your attorney can file a motion to enforce the agreement and have it incorporated into a Judgment of Absolute Divorce, even if your spouse doesn’t agree or fails to participate. It will then be up to him or her to convince the judge to set aside the agreement rather than holding your spouse to his or her word.

Get Help Streamlining Your Divorce Process

If you are ready to get divorced, the divorce attorneys at the Law Office of Shelly M. Ingram are here to help. We can help negotiate with your spouse to reach a Separation Agreement or even agree on a Mutual Consent Divorce. But if your spouse refuses to sign divorce papers, we can also take the matter to court, freeing you from a marriage you no longer want. We will help you through the process. Contact us today or call (240) 652-2596">(240) 652-2596 to schedule a consultation with an attorney.