Blogs from November, 2023

Divorce isn’t easy on any family. Kids can take the end of a marriage hard no matter how old or developmentally mature they are. But divorcing with a special needs child can add a new dimension to already difficult custody, visitation, and support negotiations. Here are some tips for divorcing with a special needs child.

Tip #1: Include Mental Health Providers in Telling Your Special Needs Child About Your Divorce

Whether your children have special needs or not, processing the idea that their parents will no longer be together will be hard on kids. Talking to your children about divorce requires you and your soon-to-be-ex-spouse to consider your kids’ age and developmental abilities, and give them time and space to process what they hear, think, and feel. 

If your child has special needs, these considerations become all the more complicated. It is wise to include their therapist, counselor, or other mental health provider in planning when and how to break the news. Your child’s medical team will know best what your child will be able to process and will be able to advise both parents to create a plan for helping your child through the transition. 

Notice that telling your children about divorce should involve both parents. It is always best for parents to present a united front when telling their kids about an upcoming divorce (i.e. “we have decided to divorce” rather than “your mother/father wants a divorce”). If your child has special needs – especially in the form of developmental delays or processing disorders – it is important for you to work together with your co-parent  to create and follow a plan to introduce the idea of divorce and respond to  questions, emotions, and concerns your children may have about the process. If your divorce is so high-conflict that you can’t cooperate with your spouse (such as cases of domestic violence), you may still want  to speak with  your child’s counselor or therapist since the conflict that your divorce presents will likely impact your child’s mental  health, and may impact their physical health as well. 

Tip #2: Help Your Attorney Understand Your Status Quo Before Divorcing with a Special Needs Child

When it is time to file your divorce, you would naturally turn to an experienced Maryland family law attorney for support and advice. While the attorney may understand the law, you are the expert in your family. Parents and caregivers for special needs children develop schedules, strategies, and solutions specific to their child’s special needs. Don’t assume your attorney can predict what solutions have worked for your child and your family. Even if your attorney has experience with a person or a child with the same diagnosis as your child, they may not have a clear grasp of your treatment plans, household patterns, or daily schedules. 

Ask to walk your attorney through a “day in the life” of your household prior to separation. You may be inclined to overstate your role in your child’s care or downplay your spouse’s involvement. Resist that urge. Remember that your communications with your attorney are protected by attorney-client confidentiality. You can, and should, be honest with your lawyer about your circumstances, including what needs will no longer be met by your spouse post-separation. 

Make sure your attorney also has a list of all your child’s medical providers, child care providers and support services, medications, medical equipment, and treatment schedule. This may seem like a lot of information, but getting it to your attorney early can:

• Speed up the discovery process
• Help your attorney build a case for your child’s custody and visitation
• Make sure your child has uninterrupted access to the medicine, equipment, and therapies they need to thrive

Tip #3: Have a Plan for Joint Legal Custody or Advocate for Decision-Making Authority

Our divorce and family law attorneys know how hard it can be to successfully co-parent a special needs child. Our lawyers are trained in collaborative divorce, mediation, and litigation strategies. We can help you resolve co-parenting disputes, create a custom parenting plan, and negotiate a fair child support and alimony award to make sure your child’s special needs are met. Contact us to discuss your situation and learn how we can help.

Legal custody is a parent or parents’ authority to make major life decisions for your child. This aspect of custody becomes essential when your child has special needs, since the chance that  you and your former spouse will need to make hard healthcare or educational decisions for your child increase greatly with each diagnosis. Many parents who aren’t willing or able to play an active custodial role in their children’s day-to-day care still want to share joint legal custody to have a voice in their child’s upbringing. 

However, because joint legal custody requires both parents to agree before medical treatment can be rendered or educational changes made, it can delay your child receiving the care they need in a crisis. If you and your ex-spouse are committed to joint legal custody, you will want to have a plan in place to notify each other when medical needs arise, and promptly communicate and agree on treatments. If you can’t agree, you would need to work with a mediator or collaborative law professional, or go back to court and ask a Maryland family law judge to make the decision for you. It can take weeks, if not months, to resolve a legal custody dispute. 

If you don’t think you will be able to communicate or agree, you and your attorney should prepare to advocate either for sole legal custody – where you would be the only person authorized to make legal custody decisions – or tie-breaking authority – where you could have final say after consulting with your co-parent. These options can keep an uncooperative co-parent from frustrating your efforts to give your child what they need when time is of the essence. 

Tip #4: When Pushing for Physical Custody, Be Sure You are Able to Provide Care 

Sometimes parents push to be awarded physical custody more out of desire to keep control of their family or because they don’t want to have to pay their ex-spouse support. However, if you are the parent of a child with a mental, physical, or developmental disability, being that child’s custodial parent means far more in terms of time, energy, and effort. Before you tell your Maryland divorce attorney that you want your children in your custody full-time (except for reasonable visitation with the other parent), make sure that you consider what that will look like, practically speaking. Are you prepared to:

• Keep up with your child’s feeding, clothing, bathing, and personal care schedules on your own or with the help of family or professional support
• Supervise your child throughout the day while they are in your care
• Transport your child to doctors’ appointments, school, physical therapy, counseling, and other appointments
• Provide at-home assistance to meet your child’s therapy plan (such as encouraging the child to complete exercises or use behavioral techniques)
• Assist your child in completing homework assignments and special education activities
• Serve as the contact person for teachers, doctors, and other service providers for your child
• Protect your own physical and mental health with respite care, caregiver therapy, and other self-care strategies

If that all seems overwhelming, or if your co-parent has historically borne that load, it may be wise to consider a different parenting plan that better aligns with your capacity as a parent, and your child’s needs. 

Tip #5: Schedule Visitation in Ways that Honor Your Child’s Abilities and Needs

When parents are able to agree on a parenting plan that controls custody and visitation of their child, it makes it easier for everyone, including the courts, to follow that plan and ensure that a child is able to maintain a positive relationship with both parents. There is no one standard parenting plan for Maryland parents in a divorce. With special needs, though, the considerations involved in preparing an access schedule may be far more complicated. For example, a child:

• On the autism spectrum may struggle to adapt to changing households or erratic schedules and may require a more consistent visitation schedule;
• With an anxiety disorder may need to have a clear and predictable schedule they can look at when they feel worried;
• Who receives physical therapy or counseling may need a visitation schedule that fits around their doctors’ appointments
• Receiving stimulant medication for ADHD may need an exchange time that gives them time to wind down and sleep 

Before settling on a visitation schedule, talk to your child’s medical provider about the household priorities for their care. Explain that you and your co-parent are separating and ask what you need to consider when the child changes households. There may be coping strategies that you can use in both homes to reduce the disruption parenting time transitions may cause to your child’s physical or mental health. 

Tip #6: Sharing Your Child’s Medical Equipment and Prescriptions in Two Homes

When kids travel between two homes for shared physical custody or access, it is often a struggle to make certain they have everything they need: from warm coats to bathing suits, electronics/devices  and school assignments. A special needs child may require more specialized clothing, medications, and support items. Be sure that your parenting plan addresses how you and your co-parent will share your child’s wheelchair, inhalers, prescription medications, and other equipment. Depending on your child’s needs, it may be preferable to maintain separate supplies at each home, or to pass shared resources between co-parents as part of the parenting time exchange. Be sure both parents know whether a particular device, treatment, or tool is shared to avoid putting your child in the middle of a dispute and prevent access to items that they need while in either parent’s care.

Tip #7: Consider Child Support for Special Needs Children

Child support is designed to cover the day-to-day costs of raising a child. This includes ordinary healthcare costs. However, a special needs child’s expenses are often far higher than neurotypical, able-bodied counter-parts. In recent years, Maryland law has adjusted to allow parents to recover a portion of the uninsured costs of a child’s medical treatment based on the total out-of-pocket amount paid by the custodial parent each year, rather than each illness or condition. You need to have a clear understanding of your child’s financial needs before you negotiate child support. Discuss your health insurance eligibility post-divorce with your attorney, as well as all deductibles, copays, health insurance premiums, and other expenses related to your child’s care. Remember, this may also include the cost of childcare provided by a person skilled at addressing your child’s special needs. Then your family law attorney can advocate for a child support order that covers your child’s actual expenses, not just basic care. 

Tip #8: Plan for Your Disabled Child’s Care After They are an Adult

A parent’s duty to provide support doesn’t automatically end at age 18 in Maryland. A Maryland child support order can continue beyond the age of majority if that child is still enrolled in high school – for children with developmental and learning disabilities – or unable to support themselves due to “mental or physical infirmity.” In these cases, the Court can order a parent to continue to provide the “destitute adult child” with food, shelter, care, and clothing even after they are legally an adult. 

It is a good idea to plan for this post-majority support during the initial divorce negotiations. If you know that your child will continue to need care beyond the traditional school age, you may want to set up a special needs trust or make other arrangements with your co-parent to ensure that the funds are available to cover their needs into adulthood.

Tip #9: Alimony Is Available for Some Caregiver Parents

A parent’s historical role as caregiver for the family’s children may persuade the Maryland family courts to award alimony in their divorce. Several of the factors Maryland family court judges consider touch on the division of labor in the household prior to the separation or divorce:

• The recipient spouse’s ability to be wholly or partially self-supporting
• The family’s prior standard of living
• Each spouse’s contributions – monetary and nonmonetary – to the family’s wellbeing
• The circumstances that contributed to the parties’ estrangement (what caused the divorce)
• Any agreement between the parties
• The financial needs of each party (including income, income producing assets, retirement benefits, and financial obligations)

When a parent has stayed at home to provide for a special needs child, it can increase that parent’s ability to receive alimony to supplement his or her income and ensure that children still have the support they need. It may be that your child’s Individualized Education Plan (IEP) or medical care requires such active parental involvement that holding down a job would be difficult, or even impossible. However, in other cases it may be worth considering whether hiring a qualified childcare provider or home health aide would allow you to become more financially self-sufficient while at the same time providing for your child’s care. You and your attorney should take a practical look at your ability to enter the job market, and weigh the pros and cons of relying on alimony for your support. 

Tip #10: Consider Government Benefits When Negotiating Support

Avoid putting your child’s “means tested” government welfare benefits at risk. If the custodial parent receives too much income in the form of alimony and child support, it could disqualify the family from receiving certain government benefits. You may need to work with a special needs attorney or a financial advisor to know just how much you can receive from your ex-spouse and still be entitled to benefits. 

That doesn’t mean you have to manage with less support. In negotiating these payments, you and your divorce attorney should consider in-kind support or agreements that require the non-custodial parent to pay for certain medical expenses, housing costs, or special education tuition directly to eliminate the risk that an absolute judgment of divorce could cause your child to forfeit their entitlements. 

At the Law Office of Shelly M. Ingram, we know how hard it can be to successfully co-parent a special needs child. Our Maryland divorce lawyers are trained in collaborative divorce, mediation, and litigation strategies. We can help you resolve co-parenting disputes, create a custom parenting plan, and negotiate a fair child support and alimony award to make sure your child’s special needs are met. To talk to a collaborative divorce attorney or schedule a mediation, call us at (240) 652-2596">(240) 652-2596 or contact us online to schedule a confidential office consultation.

Your court case may end when a final divorce decree is entered, but that’s not the end of the divorce process. There are practical and emotional concerns, many of which cannot be addressed until after the Absolute Judgment of Divorce is entered. Although there may be others specific to your case, here are 7 steps you should consider taking after the judge declares you are no longer husband or wife.

When is a Divorce Final?

No matter how long you and your spouse have been separated, you are legally married until a Maryland family court judge signs a Judgment of Absolute Divorce. At that point, your divorce is final, the court case may be over, and you are officially single. This may leave you wondering, what happens next? The truth is that, often, the days immediately following the entry of a final divorce decree are some of the busiest in the divorce process.

What to Do After a Divorce is Final

1. Make Space for Strong Feelings After Receiving a Final Decree of Divorce

The entry of a final decree of divorce signals the end of an era. That can cause a variety of intense feelings. You may grieve your lost relationship or lifestyle. You may celebrate the end of a long and painful process. You should be prepared to take time by yourself to feel those strong feelings, whatever they are, and lean on your support system for help if need be.

2. Talk to Your Children About the Future After the Finalized Divorce

Depending on the age of your children, and the discussions you and your ex-spouse have had with your kids along the way, they may or may not have a clear understanding of what divorce means for them or your household. Remind your children that you are still a family, that you love them, and that it is okay for them to love your ex-spouse too. You should invite them to express their opinions and feelings about what is happening and be prepared to listen to what the children have to say. Help the children understand their visitation schedule and what will happen after your divorce is final from their perspective.

3. Separate Personal Property and Titles

Many couples will have already sorted their personal property and sentimental items prior to the divorce. However, you may still need to take possession of items in your ex-spouse’s control. It is wise to plan a “moving day” in advance, giving your spouse plenty of warning. Depending on the level of conflict in your relationship, you may want to bring a friend or arrange a civil standby with the police. Bring a list of items, take only those items that have been agreed upon or court-ordered (if post-divorce), and leave as quickly as you can.

You may also need to sign over titles to vehicles, boats, and other jointly held items. Be sure to get your spouse’s signatures on all those documents before heading to the Maryland Motor Vehicle Administration (MVA) to register the vehicles.

If your final divorce decree awards either spouse a share of the other spouse’s retirement accounts or pension, you may also need to have an attorney prepare a Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO) or Eligible Domestic Relations Order (EDRO) to control the division of these assets. They are often prepared and entered after the finalized divorce. Ask your attorney if you need one at your wrap-up meeting and be sure it is entered promptly, so you don’t forget.

4. Ensure Financial Security

Your final divorce decree will divide jointly titled assets you and your spouse have, including your home, bank accounts, and debts. However, Maryland law says that creditors have a contractual right to pursue collections from anyone whose name is on an account. For your own financial security, after you’ve finalized your divorce, you should:

At the Law Office of Shelly M. Ingram, our divorce attorneys will guide you through who to notify and what needs to be done to make sure your financial future is protected, and you receive everything you were awarded in your final divorce decree. Contact us today for more information.

• Open separate bank and credit accounts in your name only
• Change pins and passwords on any account you had during the marriage
• Transfer funds and credit balances into solely held accounts
• Close joint accounts entirely, consistent with the agreed upon or court-ordered terms
• Monitor your credit report for unpaid debts by your ex-spouse
• Update the beneficiary designations on your retirement accounts and investments

These steps will help ensure that your ex-spouse cannot affect your financial affairs after the divorce is over.

If you are awarded real property in the divorce, you may only have a short amount of time to refinance the property and remove your spouse’s name from any shared mortgages. Be sure to start getting quotes for new financing right away, so you have enough time to complete the process.

5. Only Share Final Divorce Documents to the Right People (It’s Not Many)

There is no need or reason to share your divorce documents with friends or family members. However, some professionals should be informed once the divorce is over:

• Your children’s school may need to know the children’s access schedule and how to support your children with counseling after the divorce
• You may need to register part of your final divorce documents with the state (often through a separate quit claim deed) to transfer real property between spouses
• Your bank may need to know to remove your spouse’s access to accounts
• Insurance companies should be informed that the marriage is over and may request proof to remove coverage of your spouse
• Your financial advisor should know that the divorce is final, and details about the property distribution related to retirement accounts and financial assets
• You should share your divorce decree with an estate planning attorney to update your will and other estate planning documents

It is a good idea to get several certified copies of your final divorce decree while you are at the courthouse for your final hearing or have your attorney order them on your behalf. That way you can share the relevant documents with the appropriate professionals to help set you up for success moving forward.

6. Set Good Boundaries With Co-Parents After Divorce

If you have children in common with your ex-spouse, you will still need to see and communicate with your co-parent after your divorce is final. The way you communicate in the days just after the divorce is entered can establish a pattern for your behavior going forward. Commit to creating a positive co-parenting relationship by establishing good boundaries for yourself and respecting your co-parent as a person. Avoid rehashing the divorce after it is over and focus on the future from your children’s perspective. If you can get in the habit of healthy co-parenting early, it will make it easier to resolve disputes and stay out of court later on.

7. Get a Name Change Using Your Final Divorce Decree, if You Want

In Maryland, any person may undo a name change that was performed as a result of the marriage as part of the divorce process. If you choose to do so, you will need to file paperwork with several government agencies to formally change your name. Some agencies have short windows for these filings, so ask your attorney to help you gather the necessary information and paperwork as soon as your divorce is final.

At the Law Office of Shelly M. Ingram, our divorce attorneys know how important it is for our clients to follow through after the Maryland divorce process is over. We’ll guide you through who to notify and what needs to be done to make sure your financial future is protected, and you receive everything you were awarded in your final divorce decree. Contact us today or call (240) 652-2596">(240) 652-2596 to schedule a consultation with an attorney.

No one needs extra, unexpected expenses that challenge your budget and put your future goals at risk in divorce or otherwise. Choosing to retain a family law attorney to handle your divorce or navigate a high-conflict custody dispute may initially seem costly. However, this investment can ultimately prove invaluable in safeguarding your interests, ensuring a fair resolution, and lowering total legal fees. Before you agree to a settlement that isn’t in your best interest, try taking these steps to keep attorney fees in check.

Understanding Attorney Retainers Can Lead to Lower Legal Fees

When you first hire an attorney, you will likely sign a retainer agreement that promises you will pay a certain amount before the case begins to secure legal representation and get the lawyer working for you. It’s important to understand that unless you specifically agree to a flat fee, this retainer doesn’t necessarily represent the total cost of your case. In many cases, attorneys charge fees on an hourly basis that are billed against that retainer. No one – not even your lawyer – can know exactly how many hours of work your case will require. But there are some things you can do to streamline your case and lower your legal fees:

1. Stay Organized to Save Money

At the Law Office of Shelly M. Ingram, our divorce attorneys know how to get you a fair resolution in your divorce that will protect you and your assets, without spending all your money on attorney fees. Contact us today to schedule a consultation with an attorney to discuss your situation.

Your attorney should send you copies of everything in your case: court filings, documents received, letters to opposing counsel or parties, everything. If you keep an organized file of these documents, it will be much easier for you to stay on top of your case and avoid running up unnecessary legal fees. For example, if you are unsure when your next hearing is – calling your attorney to find out will cost you, but looking through your files is free. You can also check the status of your case online by using the Maryland Judiciary Case Search.

Staying organized at home is also a money saving tip. You should keep your own documents organized – emails, pay stubs, bank statements, household bills, etc. That way when they become relevant to your case, you will have the documents on hand. This will save money since your attorney will not need to file subpoenas or discovery demands to get copies from the bank, creditor, or your spouse.

2. Save Money by Saving Time: Keep Meetings Short and Productive

It is important to have a good relationship with your attorney, but that doesn’t mean they are your best friend or confidante. Depending on your case, you may not have to meet with your attorney often, but you will certainly have meetings at various points throughout your case. It’s easy to walk into a meeting, start talking, and get off topic. As the time ticks on, the related attorney fees add up.

This means if you are looking for ideas for saving money in your divorce, you need to make the most of your time with the lawyer. Come to your meeting with your homework done. If your attorney has not provided you with an agenda, ask for one. Make sure to bring in any documents your attorney requested. Write down your questions and bring them with you (or better yet, send them in advance). Think about which route you want to take with previously presented options and review any information (such as proposed settlement agreements) your attorney sends you ahead of time. That way, you can save time and save money by keeping the meeting focused on answering your legal questions and avoid paying for your attorney to watch you read.

3. Lower Legal Fees by Limiting Your Attorney’s Role

You retain your attorney to provide you legal advice and answer questions and concerns you have throughout your case. Unfortunately, many people find it difficult to limit contact with their attorney to this advisory role. You may find yourself emailing or calling your attorney because you are upset, or just want to talk about your case, without any need for legal advice. Because your attorney is on the clock, any time you do this it only adds to your legal fees.

The next time you are about to send an email or call your attorney, ask yourself if you actually have a legal concern, or if you are upset about something else. If it’s the latter, try calling a friend, therapist, or other professional. Venting to your attorney may make you feel better, but it is a costly option. You should also feel free to assemble a divorce team, which may include an accountant, therapist, or divorce financial planner.

4. Money Saving Tip: Offer to Help With Your Case

A lot of times divorce and custody cases require work to be done that isn’t purely legal. There may be documents to be organized, records to review, discovery questions to be answered, and paperwork to be organized, copied, and sent to opposing counsel or the court. You can do much of this yourself as a way to save money.

Offer to obtain records and documents from schools, banks, and other sources so that they do not need to be requested by your lawyer. Take it on yourself to go through financial records and highlight rent payments or other relevant transactions. Get an electronic copy of interrogatories and type out your own responses to discovery requests. Each of these activities can cut significant time off your attorney’s billable hours, leading to significant money savings for you.

5. Listen to Your Attorney to Avoid Unnecessary Legal Fees

One of the most expensive mistakes you can make in a divorce or custody action is to ignore your attorney. Your attorney may ask you for the same information multiple times. They may tell you to do something, but then you do the complete opposite. This can lead to additional motions and court hearings, and all that adds up to extra attorney fees you have to pay!

To save money on legal fees, listen to your attorney. After all, you hired your attorney for legal advice. If your attorney asks you to provide information, don’t make her ask twice. If she tells you not to contact your spouse, don’t contact your spouse. Your attorney is looking out for your best interest and advocating on your behalf, but the more work your attorney has to do, the more it will cost!

Hiring an experienced divorce attorney can seem like it takes a lot of money. But there are money saving tips that you can use to lower your legal fees and stay in control of your finances during divorce. At the Law Office of Shelly M. Ingram, our divorce attorneys know how to get you a fair resolution in your divorce that will protect you and your assets, without spending all your money on attorney fees. We have strategies to help you resolve the various issues that could arise in your divorce, saving you time, frustration, and possibly money. Call (240) 652-2596">(240) 652-2596 or contact us today to schedule a consultation with an attorney.