Blogs from 2023

Your dog, cat, or other pet is often considered to be a treasured member of the family. When parties separate or divorce, it can create questions about who gets the dog (cat, fish, lizard, etc.) in the divorce. Here’s how Maryland law treats pets in the divorce process, and what you can expect to happen if you and your spouse can’t agree on who will get dog custody after your marriage.

“Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the other one's carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?”― Jerry Seinfeld

Who Gets the Dog in a Divorce?

Dogs may be the leaders of the planet, but not when it comes to divorce in Maryland. Many pet parents treat their animals like furry children. However, in Maryland, pet custody isn’t something that regularly happens. In Maryland courts, cats, dogs, and other pets are routinely treated as personal property. That means the Maryland courts will consider the following issues:

When and How was the Pet Obtained?

If your dog is older than your marriage and you owned the animal before the marriage, it will generally be awarded to you as your separate property. You may also be able to retain possession of your dog or cat if you inherited the animal from a family member, received it as a gift from a third party, or excluded the animal from the marital estate through a valid prenuptial agreement. If, however, Fido was acquired by you or your spouse during the marriage, using marital funds, then Fido is considered marital property.

Establishing the Value of Family Pets

Our Maryland family law and divorce attorneys strive to help clients reach creative solutions to divorce and family law concerns. We understand how important your family pets are to you and your children. We also know the limits of what Maryland law can do for you. Contact us to talk to an attorney about your case.

You may think that Fido is priceless, but when it comes to the Maryland divorce process, your judge will need to establish the animal’s value the same as it would set the value of your marital home or vehicles. Unfortunately, most of the time, a family pet has minimal financial value. Some families breed, train, and show purebred animals worth thousands of dollars each. However, it is far more common that your family dog would be adopted for little to no money.

How Do You Equitably Divide Pets in Divorce?

It is up to the Maryland family court to divide marital property on an equitable basis. While marital property is subject to equitable division under Maryland law, there really is no way to “equitably” divide a dog. So, how do Maryland courts decide about dog custody in divorce?

If parties are able to agree who keeps Fido, then the Court will generally enforce that agreement along with the division of other personal property like furniture, personal items, or holiday decorations that are valuable, but not enough to support the related costs of litigation. If you are struggling to come to an agreement on dog custody or the equitable division of other one-of-a-kind property, you may be able to work with a mediator to find a creative solution.

By Agreement or After Mediation

If you can’t reach an agreement, even after mediation, it may come to the Court as part of your divorce trial. In extremely rare cases, the Court may decide who gets to keep a pet that has been identified as marital property. If you own two animals, the Court may award one pet to each party, and divide the assets (your pets) based on the assumption that they are of approximately equal value. There is no requirement for the Court to consider what is best for the property - your pets.

Based on Equitable Value

If the animal in question is significantly valuable, such as a horse or a competition animal, the Court may, in extreme cases, award the animal to one party and award an equitable portion (generally but not automatically half the value) of that animal’s value to the other party. For example, if Fido is a show-dog and has a comparable value of $5,000, the party who loses out on Fido may receive $2,500 in monetary award or other value from the spouse that gets to keep him.

By Ordering the Sale of the Animal

In most cases, when Maryland families are unable to reach an agreement on the specific division of personal property acquired during marriage, the Court will order that the property be sold and the proceeds of sale divided. This includes our faithful, four-legged family member - Fido. This can create a kind of ultimatum where no one wants their beloved animal sold. To avoid both parties losing the pet, one or the other party will generally give up their claim on the animal to ensure that the animal does not have to be sold.

At the Law Office of Shelly M. Ingram, LLC, we strive to help clients reach creative solutions to divorce and family law concerns, including the division of marital property. We encourage our clients to explore out-of-court options, including negotiation, mediation, and collaborative law, when possible, because these options give you control and customization to decide what is best for you and your dog.

At the Law Office of Shelly M. Ingram, our Maryland divorce attorneys understand how important your family pets are to you and your children. We also know the limits of what Maryland law can do for you. We will help you negotiate a property division that accounts for your pets and your other assets. Call us at (240) 652-2596">(240) 652-2596 or contact us here to schedule a consultation at our Howard County family law firm located in the Maple Lawn business district of Fulton, Maryland. We look forward to working with you.

For answers to other frequently asked family law questions, feel free to explore our FAQs on Marital Property and Divorce.

Divorce isn’t easy on any family. Kids can take the end of a marriage hard no matter how old or developmentally mature they are. But divorcing with a special needs child can add a new dimension to already difficult custody, visitation, and support negotiations. Here are some tips for divorcing with a special needs child.

Tip #1: Include Mental Health Providers in Telling Your Special Needs Child About Your Divorce

Whether your children have special needs or not, processing the idea that their parents will no longer be together will be hard on kids. Talking to your children about divorce requires you and your soon-to-be-ex-spouse to consider your kids’ age and developmental abilities, and give them time and space to process what they hear, think, and feel. 

If your child has special needs, these considerations become all the more complicated. It is wise to include their therapist, counselor, or other mental health provider in planning when and how to break the news. Your child’s medical team will know best what your child will be able to process and will be able to advise both parents to create a plan for helping your child through the transition. 

Notice that telling your children about divorce should involve both parents. It is always best for parents to present a united front when telling their kids about an upcoming divorce (i.e. “we have decided to divorce” rather than “your mother/father wants a divorce”). If your child has special needs – especially in the form of developmental delays or processing disorders – it is important for you to work together with your co-parent  to create and follow a plan to introduce the idea of divorce and respond to  questions, emotions, and concerns your children may have about the process. If your divorce is so high-conflict that you can’t cooperate with your spouse (such as cases of domestic violence), you may still want  to speak with  your child’s counselor or therapist since the conflict that your divorce presents will likely impact your child’s mental  health, and may impact their physical health as well. 

Tip #2: Help Your Attorney Understand Your Status Quo Before Divorcing with a Special Needs Child

When it is time to file your divorce, you would naturally turn to an experienced Maryland family law attorney for support and advice. While the attorney may understand the law, you are the expert in your family. Parents and caregivers for special needs children develop schedules, strategies, and solutions specific to their child’s special needs. Don’t assume your attorney can predict what solutions have worked for your child and your family. Even if your attorney has experience with a person or a child with the same diagnosis as your child, they may not have a clear grasp of your treatment plans, household patterns, or daily schedules. 

Ask to walk your attorney through a “day in the life” of your household prior to separation. You may be inclined to overstate your role in your child’s care or downplay your spouse’s involvement. Resist that urge. Remember that your communications with your attorney are protected by attorney-client confidentiality. You can, and should, be honest with your lawyer about your circumstances, including what needs will no longer be met by your spouse post-separation. 

Make sure your attorney also has a list of all your child’s medical providers, child care providers and support services, medications, medical equipment, and treatment schedule. This may seem like a lot of information, but getting it to your attorney early can:

• Speed up the discovery process
• Help your attorney build a case for your child’s custody and visitation
• Make sure your child has uninterrupted access to the medicine, equipment, and therapies they need to thrive

Tip #3: Have a Plan for Joint Legal Custody or Advocate for Decision-Making Authority

Our divorce and family law attorneys know how hard it can be to successfully co-parent a special needs child. Our lawyers are trained in collaborative divorce, mediation, and litigation strategies. We can help you resolve co-parenting disputes, create a custom parenting plan, and negotiate a fair child support and alimony award to make sure your child’s special needs are met. Contact us to discuss your situation and learn how we can help.

Legal custody is a parent or parents’ authority to make major life decisions for your child. This aspect of custody becomes essential when your child has special needs, since the chance that  you and your former spouse will need to make hard healthcare or educational decisions for your child increase greatly with each diagnosis. Many parents who aren’t willing or able to play an active custodial role in their children’s day-to-day care still want to share joint legal custody to have a voice in their child’s upbringing. 

However, because joint legal custody requires both parents to agree before medical treatment can be rendered or educational changes made, it can delay your child receiving the care they need in a crisis. If you and your ex-spouse are committed to joint legal custody, you will want to have a plan in place to notify each other when medical needs arise, and promptly communicate and agree on treatments. If you can’t agree, you would need to work with a mediator or collaborative law professional, or go back to court and ask a Maryland family law judge to make the decision for you. It can take weeks, if not months, to resolve a legal custody dispute. 

If you don’t think you will be able to communicate or agree, you and your attorney should prepare to advocate either for sole legal custody – where you would be the only person authorized to make legal custody decisions – or tie-breaking authority – where you could have final say after consulting with your co-parent. These options can keep an uncooperative co-parent from frustrating your efforts to give your child what they need when time is of the essence. 

Tip #4: When Pushing for Physical Custody, Be Sure You are Able to Provide Care 

Sometimes parents push to be awarded physical custody more out of desire to keep control of their family or because they don’t want to have to pay their ex-spouse support. However, if you are the parent of a child with a mental, physical, or developmental disability, being that child’s custodial parent means far more in terms of time, energy, and effort. Before you tell your Maryland divorce attorney that you want your children in your custody full-time (except for reasonable visitation with the other parent), make sure that you consider what that will look like, practically speaking. Are you prepared to:

• Keep up with your child’s feeding, clothing, bathing, and personal care schedules on your own or with the help of family or professional support
• Supervise your child throughout the day while they are in your care
• Transport your child to doctors’ appointments, school, physical therapy, counseling, and other appointments
• Provide at-home assistance to meet your child’s therapy plan (such as encouraging the child to complete exercises or use behavioral techniques)
• Assist your child in completing homework assignments and special education activities
• Serve as the contact person for teachers, doctors, and other service providers for your child
• Protect your own physical and mental health with respite care, caregiver therapy, and other self-care strategies

If that all seems overwhelming, or if your co-parent has historically borne that load, it may be wise to consider a different parenting plan that better aligns with your capacity as a parent, and your child’s needs. 

Tip #5: Schedule Visitation in Ways that Honor Your Child’s Abilities and Needs

When parents are able to agree on a parenting plan that controls custody and visitation of their child, it makes it easier for everyone, including the courts, to follow that plan and ensure that a child is able to maintain a positive relationship with both parents. There is no one standard parenting plan for Maryland parents in a divorce. With special needs, though, the considerations involved in preparing an access schedule may be far more complicated. For example, a child:

• On the autism spectrum may struggle to adapt to changing households or erratic schedules and may require a more consistent visitation schedule;
• With an anxiety disorder may need to have a clear and predictable schedule they can look at when they feel worried;
• Who receives physical therapy or counseling may need a visitation schedule that fits around their doctors’ appointments
• Receiving stimulant medication for ADHD may need an exchange time that gives them time to wind down and sleep 

Before settling on a visitation schedule, talk to your child’s medical provider about the household priorities for their care. Explain that you and your co-parent are separating and ask what you need to consider when the child changes households. There may be coping strategies that you can use in both homes to reduce the disruption parenting time transitions may cause to your child’s physical or mental health. 

Tip #6: Sharing Your Child’s Medical Equipment and Prescriptions in Two Homes

When kids travel between two homes for shared physical custody or access, it is often a struggle to make certain they have everything they need: from warm coats to bathing suits, electronics/devices  and school assignments. A special needs child may require more specialized clothing, medications, and support items. Be sure that your parenting plan addresses how you and your co-parent will share your child’s wheelchair, inhalers, prescription medications, and other equipment. Depending on your child’s needs, it may be preferable to maintain separate supplies at each home, or to pass shared resources between co-parents as part of the parenting time exchange. Be sure both parents know whether a particular device, treatment, or tool is shared to avoid putting your child in the middle of a dispute and prevent access to items that they need while in either parent’s care.

Tip #7: Consider Child Support for Special Needs Children

Child support is designed to cover the day-to-day costs of raising a child. This includes ordinary healthcare costs. However, a special needs child’s expenses are often far higher than neurotypical, able-bodied counter-parts. In recent years, Maryland law has adjusted to allow parents to recover a portion of the uninsured costs of a child’s medical treatment based on the total out-of-pocket amount paid by the custodial parent each year, rather than each illness or condition. You need to have a clear understanding of your child’s financial needs before you negotiate child support. Discuss your health insurance eligibility post-divorce with your attorney, as well as all deductibles, copays, health insurance premiums, and other expenses related to your child’s care. Remember, this may also include the cost of childcare provided by a person skilled at addressing your child’s special needs. Then your family law attorney can advocate for a child support order that covers your child’s actual expenses, not just basic care. 

Tip #8: Plan for Your Disabled Child’s Care After They are an Adult

A parent’s duty to provide support doesn’t automatically end at age 18 in Maryland. A Maryland child support order can continue beyond the age of majority if that child is still enrolled in high school – for children with developmental and learning disabilities – or unable to support themselves due to “mental or physical infirmity.” In these cases, the Court can order a parent to continue to provide the “destitute adult child” with food, shelter, care, and clothing even after they are legally an adult. 

It is a good idea to plan for this post-majority support during the initial divorce negotiations. If you know that your child will continue to need care beyond the traditional school age, you may want to set up a special needs trust or make other arrangements with your co-parent to ensure that the funds are available to cover their needs into adulthood.

Tip #9: Alimony Is Available for Some Caregiver Parents

A parent’s historical role as caregiver for the family’s children may persuade the Maryland family courts to award alimony in their divorce. Several of the factors Maryland family court judges consider touch on the division of labor in the household prior to the separation or divorce:

• The recipient spouse’s ability to be wholly or partially self-supporting
• The family’s prior standard of living
• Each spouse’s contributions – monetary and nonmonetary – to the family’s wellbeing
• The circumstances that contributed to the parties’ estrangement (what caused the divorce)
• Any agreement between the parties
• The financial needs of each party (including income, income producing assets, retirement benefits, and financial obligations)

When a parent has stayed at home to provide for a special needs child, it can increase that parent’s ability to receive alimony to supplement his or her income and ensure that children still have the support they need. It may be that your child’s Individualized Education Plan (IEP) or medical care requires such active parental involvement that holding down a job would be difficult, or even impossible. However, in other cases it may be worth considering whether hiring a qualified childcare provider or home health aide would allow you to become more financially self-sufficient while at the same time providing for your child’s care. You and your attorney should take a practical look at your ability to enter the job market, and weigh the pros and cons of relying on alimony for your support. 

Tip #10: Consider Government Benefits When Negotiating Support

Avoid putting your child’s “means tested” government welfare benefits at risk. If the custodial parent receives too much income in the form of alimony and child support, it could disqualify the family from receiving certain government benefits. You may need to work with a special needs attorney or a financial advisor to know just how much you can receive from your ex-spouse and still be entitled to benefits. 

That doesn’t mean you have to manage with less support. In negotiating these payments, you and your divorce attorney should consider in-kind support or agreements that require the non-custodial parent to pay for certain medical expenses, housing costs, or special education tuition directly to eliminate the risk that an absolute judgment of divorce could cause your child to forfeit their entitlements. 

At the Law Office of Shelly M. Ingram, we know how hard it can be to successfully co-parent a special needs child. Our Maryland divorce lawyers are trained in collaborative divorce, mediation, and litigation strategies. We can help you resolve co-parenting disputes, create a custom parenting plan, and negotiate a fair child support and alimony award to make sure your child’s special needs are met. To talk to a collaborative divorce attorney or schedule a mediation, call us at (240) 652-2596">(240) 652-2596 or contact us online to schedule a confidential office consultation.

Your court case may end when a final divorce decree is entered, but that’s not the end of the divorce process. There are practical and emotional concerns, many of which cannot be addressed until after the Absolute Judgment of Divorce is entered. Although there may be others specific to your case, here are 7 steps you should consider taking after the judge declares you are no longer husband or wife.

When is a Divorce Final?

No matter how long you and your spouse have been separated, you are legally married until a Maryland family court judge signs a Judgment of Absolute Divorce. At that point, your divorce is final, the court case may be over, and you are officially single. This may leave you wondering, what happens next? The truth is that, often, the days immediately following the entry of a final divorce decree are some of the busiest in the divorce process.

What to Do After a Divorce is Final

1. Make Space for Strong Feelings After Receiving a Final Decree of Divorce

The entry of a final decree of divorce signals the end of an era. That can cause a variety of intense feelings. You may grieve your lost relationship or lifestyle. You may celebrate the end of a long and painful process. You should be prepared to take time by yourself to feel those strong feelings, whatever they are, and lean on your support system for help if need be.

2. Talk to Your Children About the Future After the Finalized Divorce

Depending on the age of your children, and the discussions you and your ex-spouse have had with your kids along the way, they may or may not have a clear understanding of what divorce means for them or your household. Remind your children that you are still a family, that you love them, and that it is okay for them to love your ex-spouse too. You should invite them to express their opinions and feelings about what is happening and be prepared to listen to what the children have to say. Help the children understand their visitation schedule and what will happen after your divorce is final from their perspective.

3. Separate Personal Property and Titles

Many couples will have already sorted their personal property and sentimental items prior to the divorce. However, you may still need to take possession of items in your ex-spouse’s control. It is wise to plan a “moving day” in advance, giving your spouse plenty of warning. Depending on the level of conflict in your relationship, you may want to bring a friend or arrange a civil standby with the police. Bring a list of items, take only those items that have been agreed upon or court-ordered (if post-divorce), and leave as quickly as you can.

You may also need to sign over titles to vehicles, boats, and other jointly held items. Be sure to get your spouse’s signatures on all those documents before heading to the Maryland Motor Vehicle Administration (MVA) to register the vehicles.

If your final divorce decree awards either spouse a share of the other spouse’s retirement accounts or pension, you may also need to have an attorney prepare a Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO) or Eligible Domestic Relations Order (EDRO) to control the division of these assets. They are often prepared and entered after the finalized divorce. Ask your attorney if you need one at your wrap-up meeting and be sure it is entered promptly, so you don’t forget.

4. Ensure Financial Security

Your final divorce decree will divide jointly titled assets you and your spouse have, including your home, bank accounts, and debts. However, Maryland law says that creditors have a contractual right to pursue collections from anyone whose name is on an account. For your own financial security, after you’ve finalized your divorce, you should:

At the Law Office of Shelly M. Ingram, our divorce attorneys will guide you through who to notify and what needs to be done to make sure your financial future is protected, and you receive everything you were awarded in your final divorce decree. Contact us today for more information.

• Open separate bank and credit accounts in your name only
• Change pins and passwords on any account you had during the marriage
• Transfer funds and credit balances into solely held accounts
• Close joint accounts entirely, consistent with the agreed upon or court-ordered terms
• Monitor your credit report for unpaid debts by your ex-spouse
• Update the beneficiary designations on your retirement accounts and investments

These steps will help ensure that your ex-spouse cannot affect your financial affairs after the divorce is over.

If you are awarded real property in the divorce, you may only have a short amount of time to refinance the property and remove your spouse’s name from any shared mortgages. Be sure to start getting quotes for new financing right away, so you have enough time to complete the process.

5. Only Share Final Divorce Documents to the Right People (It’s Not Many)

There is no need or reason to share your divorce documents with friends or family members. However, some professionals should be informed once the divorce is over:

• Your children’s school may need to know the children’s access schedule and how to support your children with counseling after the divorce
• You may need to register part of your final divorce documents with the state (often through a separate quit claim deed) to transfer real property between spouses
• Your bank may need to know to remove your spouse’s access to accounts
• Insurance companies should be informed that the marriage is over and may request proof to remove coverage of your spouse
• Your financial advisor should know that the divorce is final, and details about the property distribution related to retirement accounts and financial assets
• You should share your divorce decree with an estate planning attorney to update your will and other estate planning documents

It is a good idea to get several certified copies of your final divorce decree while you are at the courthouse for your final hearing or have your attorney order them on your behalf. That way you can share the relevant documents with the appropriate professionals to help set you up for success moving forward.

6. Set Good Boundaries With Co-Parents After Divorce

If you have children in common with your ex-spouse, you will still need to see and communicate with your co-parent after your divorce is final. The way you communicate in the days just after the divorce is entered can establish a pattern for your behavior going forward. Commit to creating a positive co-parenting relationship by establishing good boundaries for yourself and respecting your co-parent as a person. Avoid rehashing the divorce after it is over and focus on the future from your children’s perspective. If you can get in the habit of healthy co-parenting early, it will make it easier to resolve disputes and stay out of court later on.

7. Get a Name Change Using Your Final Divorce Decree, if You Want

In Maryland, any person may undo a name change that was performed as a result of the marriage as part of the divorce process. If you choose to do so, you will need to file paperwork with several government agencies to formally change your name. Some agencies have short windows for these filings, so ask your attorney to help you gather the necessary information and paperwork as soon as your divorce is final.

At the Law Office of Shelly M. Ingram, our divorce attorneys know how important it is for our clients to follow through after the Maryland divorce process is over. We’ll guide you through who to notify and what needs to be done to make sure your financial future is protected, and you receive everything you were awarded in your final divorce decree. Contact us today or call (240) 652-2596">(240) 652-2596 to schedule a consultation with an attorney.

No one needs extra, unexpected expenses that challenge your budget and put your future goals at risk in divorce or otherwise. Choosing to retain a family law attorney to handle your divorce or navigate a high-conflict custody dispute may initially seem costly. However, this investment can ultimately prove invaluable in safeguarding your interests, ensuring a fair resolution, and lowering total legal fees. Before you agree to a settlement that isn’t in your best interest, try taking these steps to keep attorney fees in check.

Understanding Attorney Retainers Can Lead to Lower Legal Fees

When you first hire an attorney, you will likely sign a retainer agreement that promises you will pay a certain amount before the case begins to secure legal representation and get the lawyer working for you. It’s important to understand that unless you specifically agree to a flat fee, this retainer doesn’t necessarily represent the total cost of your case. In many cases, attorneys charge fees on an hourly basis that are billed against that retainer. No one – not even your lawyer – can know exactly how many hours of work your case will require. But there are some things you can do to streamline your case and lower your legal fees:

1. Stay Organized to Save Money

At the Law Office of Shelly M. Ingram, our divorce attorneys know how to get you a fair resolution in your divorce that will protect you and your assets, without spending all your money on attorney fees. Contact us today to schedule a consultation with an attorney to discuss your situation.

Your attorney should send you copies of everything in your case: court filings, documents received, letters to opposing counsel or parties, everything. If you keep an organized file of these documents, it will be much easier for you to stay on top of your case and avoid running up unnecessary legal fees. For example, if you are unsure when your next hearing is – calling your attorney to find out will cost you, but looking through your files is free. You can also check the status of your case online by using the Maryland Judiciary Case Search.

Staying organized at home is also a money saving tip. You should keep your own documents organized – emails, pay stubs, bank statements, household bills, etc. That way when they become relevant to your case, you will have the documents on hand. This will save money since your attorney will not need to file subpoenas or discovery demands to get copies from the bank, creditor, or your spouse.

2. Save Money by Saving Time: Keep Meetings Short and Productive

It is important to have a good relationship with your attorney, but that doesn’t mean they are your best friend or confidante. Depending on your case, you may not have to meet with your attorney often, but you will certainly have meetings at various points throughout your case. It’s easy to walk into a meeting, start talking, and get off topic. As the time ticks on, the related attorney fees add up.

This means if you are looking for ideas for saving money in your divorce, you need to make the most of your time with the lawyer. Come to your meeting with your homework done. If your attorney has not provided you with an agenda, ask for one. Make sure to bring in any documents your attorney requested. Write down your questions and bring them with you (or better yet, send them in advance). Think about which route you want to take with previously presented options and review any information (such as proposed settlement agreements) your attorney sends you ahead of time. That way, you can save time and save money by keeping the meeting focused on answering your legal questions and avoid paying for your attorney to watch you read.

3. Lower Legal Fees by Limiting Your Attorney’s Role

You retain your attorney to provide you legal advice and answer questions and concerns you have throughout your case. Unfortunately, many people find it difficult to limit contact with their attorney to this advisory role. You may find yourself emailing or calling your attorney because you are upset, or just want to talk about your case, without any need for legal advice. Because your attorney is on the clock, any time you do this it only adds to your legal fees.

The next time you are about to send an email or call your attorney, ask yourself if you actually have a legal concern, or if you are upset about something else. If it’s the latter, try calling a friend, therapist, or other professional. Venting to your attorney may make you feel better, but it is a costly option. You should also feel free to assemble a divorce team, which may include an accountant, therapist, or divorce financial planner.

4. Money Saving Tip: Offer to Help With Your Case

A lot of times divorce and custody cases require work to be done that isn’t purely legal. There may be documents to be organized, records to review, discovery questions to be answered, and paperwork to be organized, copied, and sent to opposing counsel or the court. You can do much of this yourself as a way to save money.

Offer to obtain records and documents from schools, banks, and other sources so that they do not need to be requested by your lawyer. Take it on yourself to go through financial records and highlight rent payments or other relevant transactions. Get an electronic copy of interrogatories and type out your own responses to discovery requests. Each of these activities can cut significant time off your attorney’s billable hours, leading to significant money savings for you.

5. Listen to Your Attorney to Avoid Unnecessary Legal Fees

One of the most expensive mistakes you can make in a divorce or custody action is to ignore your attorney. Your attorney may ask you for the same information multiple times. They may tell you to do something, but then you do the complete opposite. This can lead to additional motions and court hearings, and all that adds up to extra attorney fees you have to pay!

To save money on legal fees, listen to your attorney. After all, you hired your attorney for legal advice. If your attorney asks you to provide information, don’t make her ask twice. If she tells you not to contact your spouse, don’t contact your spouse. Your attorney is looking out for your best interest and advocating on your behalf, but the more work your attorney has to do, the more it will cost!

Hiring an experienced divorce attorney can seem like it takes a lot of money. But there are money saving tips that you can use to lower your legal fees and stay in control of your finances during divorce. At the Law Office of Shelly M. Ingram, our divorce attorneys know how to get you a fair resolution in your divorce that will protect you and your assets, without spending all your money on attorney fees. We have strategies to help you resolve the various issues that could arise in your divorce, saving you time, frustration, and possibly money. Call (240) 652-2596">(240) 652-2596 or contact us today to schedule a consultation with an attorney.

The days leading up to the start of a divorce can be fraught with anxiety, anger, and frustration. The conflict that often comes at the end of a marriage can take all your energy, leaving little bandwidth to develop a plan or strategize available options. Other times, the news that a wife or husband wants a divorce can be a surprise. Knowing the things you should do after a spouse asks for divorce can help you work through your feelings and choose the right Maryland divorce process for you and your family.

What to Do When Your Spouse Asks for Divorce

When your spouse tells you they want a divorce, that declaration will set in motion a variety of emotional, practical, and financial changes for both parties. You need to respond thoughtfully on each level to protect yourself, and your children, and to maintain the degree of relationship you choose with your soon-to-be-ex-spouse.

1. Take Time to Process Your Feelings

Finding out your spouse wants a divorce will likely be hurtful, even if both of you are committed to reducing conflict. If your spouse asking for a divorce leaves you in a state of intense emotion or shock, take the time immediately to treat yourself well through self-care. Depending on when and how you find out that your spouse would like to end your marriage, you may need to leave work, cancel plans, or even get a baby-sitter, so that you can have time alone to process the emotional and financial implications of what you’ve heard.

As you work to process the pending divorce, expect to feel grief, anger, guilt, and even fear about the uncertain future. These emotional responses are normal and will continue to arise throughout, and even after, the divorce process is complete. When these feelings arise, take a step away, breathe, and give yourself space before returning to your deliberations. We often recommend seeing a therapist during these difficult times so that you have a confidential space to work through your emotions rather than funnel them back into your divorce. It is important to remember that the communications that you have with friends and family members – your informal support system – are not confidential or privileged and could be used against you in court.

2. Understand Your Spouse’s Reasons for Asking for a Divorce

Take the time to listen to your spouse and get a clear picture of why they want a divorce. This conversation could include a discussion of possible reconciliation, and also allow you to gauge their interest in pursuing non-adversarial divorce options like mediation or collaboration. In certain cases, a family therapist or couples counselor may help to either heal the marriage or reduce the conflict within the divorce.

On the other hand, if your spouse is motivated by anger or is acting on a belief that you have wronged them, it may be wiser to prepare for litigation from the start. As much as it may hurt to listen to your spouse’s complaints, the information will make it easier for you and your divorce attorney to plan trial strategy and address perceived concerns as the divorce process progresses.

3. Talk to a Maryland Divorce Attorney

Do not wait for your spouse to file divorce paperwork to talk to a Maryland divorce attorney. Speaking to an attorney who offers both divorce litigation and collaborative law services early in the process of separating can help you choose the best divorce process for your family. An attorney can lay out the pros and cons of the various process options, and help you consider whether to pursue litigation or viable out-of-court collaborative options.

In addition, under the new Maryland divorce laws, you must live separate and apart from your spouse for 6 months (physical separation is no longer required); describe irreconcilable differences in the complaint, or fit into certain permanent physical or mental health situations, before you can file for divorce. Until recently, that 6-month separation period was even longer and you were not permitted to sleep under the same room for even one night during the separation period! What all of this means is that in many cases, you may want to negotiate a Settlement Agreement that controls issues like temporary child custody, visitation, and support before asking the Courts to intervene. An agreement reached between you and your spouse can create a predictable schedule and set the status quo that will carry you through the divorce process. When you can take some of the uncertainty out of the divorce process and ensure that both you and your children will be provided for in the future - it may help your children maintain a close relationship with you and your spouse. An agreement on parenting and all other issues is also likely to make it easier for you and your spouse to work together for co-parenting in the future.

4. Talk with Your Children

Telling your children after your spouse asks for divorce is a delicate thing. Depending on their ages and relationships with both parents, you may find that they are confused, scared, angry with you, or even blame you for the divorce. However, there are ways to reduce the emotional impact of divorce on your children.

In the best circumstances, both parents should tell the children about the divorce together, without assessing blame. It is often preferable to defer telling the children about the divorce until you have made a plan for physical separation, where they will live, and the access schedule they will follow in their new homes. In high-conflict divorces, conversations with the children must sometimes happen with each parent separately. However, whether the conversation with your children is had together or separately, you should avoid casting blame on your spouse or making your children feel like they need to choose between parents. It is also a good idea to tell your children as soon as possible, so that they have time to process their own emotions about divorce and you and your spouse have the ability to answer any questions they may have.

5. Step Back from Social Media

It is very tempting, after your spouse asks for divorce, to complain about it to your friends on social media. Remember - the internet is forever and it is best to get the support you need from family and friends offline. Nothing is truly private on social media. Even restricted posts can be captured and shared with your spouse or children. In addition, your spouse may be able to obtain your posts – even the private ones – by sending a subpoena to the company running the social media platform. This could hurt you if your divorce case goes to trial because it could show that you are disparaging your spouse. Ideally, you may want to limit your social media activity while your divorce is pending. If you feel isolated or unable to refrain from social media, at a minimum you should commit to never discussing your spouse, your children, or your divorce online.

6. Get Your Financial Matters in Order

Except in cases with a prenuptial agreement signed prior to the marriage or a postnuptial agreement signed afterwards, divorce is likely to involve a financial separation. When you physically separate from your spouse (especially if you are the one moving out), it can also separate you from important financial information. After your spouse asks for divorce, you need to make sure you have physical or digital copies of statements for each of your bank, credit, and retirement accounts, as well as any tax returns that were filed during the marriage. Otherwise it may be expensive to get them later.

Once you have separated, be certain to monitor your credit too. Sometimes, spouses may take out new loans or stop paying existing debts, which can hurt your credit score. It is not uncommon for a person to think a debt or liability is joint when it isn’t or vice versa. Once you and your spouse have agreed on the division of financial assets, you may also want to close joint accounts and transfer funds into your name only. However, it is best to make financial moves by agreement or as part of a calculated strategy. It is important to speak with an attorney about the timing of financial changes to avoid claims that you are hiding assets.

7. Educate Yourself About the Maryland Divorce Process

It is important for you to understand how the Maryland divorce process works and how long it takes to prepare, file, and complete the divorce. The timeline for the process can vary depending on the level of conflict and circumstances in your case. Your divorce attorney should explain the process options to you and help you develop your priorities and goals based upon the timeline and costs with a goal to help you prepare emotionally and financially.

Responding to Surprise Divorce Documents

In some cases, the first notice you receive that your spouse wants a divorce is when you are formally served with the divorce complaint. While the above steps still apply, surprise divorce filings put you on a tight timeline that can make it hard to handle the emotional aspects of divorce and comply with filing deadlines. If you live in Maryland and are served with divorce paperwork filed here, you will need to file an answer and perhaps also a counter-complaint for divorce within 30 days after being served, 60 days if you were served out-of-state, or 90 days if you were served internationally. In this situation, you should contact a Maryland divorce attorney as soon as you are served with divorce paperwork from the Court.

Being unexpectedly served with divorce papers leaves you with considerably less time to process your emotions and formulate a response. In such instances, when divorce documents have already been officially filed and there's no prior agreement, you'll find yourself needing to navigate the emotional aspect of this situation, ideally with the guidance of a therapist, while concurrently your attorney is diligently preparing your response and building your case.

Get Your Maryland Divorce Process Started Today

If your spouse asks you for a divorce, or if you have been served with divorce paperwork, we are here to help. At the Law Office of Shelly M. Ingram, our divorce attorneys know how to respond when your spouse asks for a divorce. We can guide you through the Maryland divorce process from start to finish, giving you the options and the knowledge you need to resolve your marriage quickly and on your terms. You don’t have to go through your divorce alone. We will help you through the process. Contact us today or call (240) 652-2596">(240) 652-2596 to schedule a consultation with an attorney.

Your Judgment of Absolute Divorce may award you the marital home or other real property, but that doesn’t mean the work of separating your finances is over. Understanding how to get an ex-spouse off a mortgage – and the steps to take to execute a judgment in your favor – is important to allow you to close the book on your divorce and move forward as the sole owner of your home.

Property Awards Can Mean Taking a Spouse Off the Mortgage

The Maryland Marital Property Act requires the family court judge in your case to divide all your marital property equitably. That includes dividing the family’s marital home or other real estate. One of the ways the court can do this is to order the transfer of jointly owned property solely into one spouse’s name. This spouse then has the sole right to continue to live in and possess the property, and to sell it and keep the proceeds when the time is right.

When a Maryland court awards one spouse the family home, it generally also requires that party to assume the costs and liabilities of the home, including paying off the mortgage. However, unless you take steps to get your ex-spouse off the mortgage, your credit will remain linked to theirs. This means that the party awarded the home will generally be required to refinance the property to remove the ex-spouse’s name from the mortgage, and any other obligations they have to pay home-related expenses.

How to Get an Ex-Spouse Off a Mortgage

Getting an ex-spouse’s name off your mortgage isn’t the easiest thing to do. A lot will depend on your financial situation, your credit, and your ability to obtain new financing in your name only.

Steps to Removing a Name from a Mortgage

Confirm How Much You Need to Borrow

Understanding how to get an ex-spouse off a mortgage – and the steps to take to execute a judgment in your favor – is important to allow you to close the book on your divorce and move forward as the sole owner of your home.

Often, when the Maryland family courts award one spouse the marital home, that spouse will be required to pay the other a lump sum representing the other spouse’s equitable interest in the property. Some divorcing spouses can offset that equitable award from other sources, like retirement accounts or investments. More often, however, that buyout is financed through a mortgage or home equity line of credit against the property itself. It is important to check your Judgment of Absolute

Divorce, and your current mortgage balance, to understand how much you will have to borrow to satisfy the judgment and pay off your spouse’s interest in the home.

Talk to Your Current Lender

It is wise to start the refinancing process by talking to your current lender or mortgage holder. That bank or financial institution will already have a lot of information about your background and finance information, so it may be able to give you a quick answer about whether they will finance a new loan in your name only, and on what terms. Keep in mind that financing a property in one name instead of two increases the chances of something happening and the bank being unable to collect its payments. This may mean your new mortgage will be at a higher interest rate than when you and your spouse previously borrowed together.

Get a Comparative Quote

It is worth the extra time (and minor expense) to get a second lender’s estimate on a new mortgage in your name only. This will likely require the second lender to pull your credit history and do a background check. But the financial markets have changed a lot in recent years. If you and your spouse purchased your home several years ago, you shouldn’t assume that your current mortgage lender has the best options for you as a single person. When comparing the quotes, remember to consider:

• Interest rates
• Term of lending (often 15 or 30 years)
• Fixed vs variable interest rates
• Grace periods for payments
• Late fees and penalties
• Foreclosure provisions
• Home insurance requirements (most lenders have them)
• Escrow for property taxes or utilities

In deciding which lender to use, be sure you can afford the payments, as well as utility payments and other expenses related to the home. A mortgage broker may be able to assist you in understanding the finance options that are available to you.

Sign a Quit Claim Deed or Record Your Judgment

Once you have been approved for new financing, you and your spouse will need to sign and file a quit claim deed, formally transferring ownership to you alone. This is often signed at a closing in front of your lender, who will notarize the deed and file it with the county clerk. Your Maryland divorce attorney can also help you prepare, sign, and file a quit claim deed.

If your ex-spouse refuses to sign a quit claim deed, you may be able to record the Absolute Judgment of Divorce itself as proof you are the sole owner of the property. Your attorney can also file a motion to compel your ex-spouse to sign the deed, which will avoid publicly filing the information contained in your judgment. Either way, your lawyer can help you ensure that you are the sole title holder of the property before the loan is finalized.

Execute Your New Loan Agreement and Pay Your Spouse’s Equitable Interest

Also at the closing, you will sign a loan agreement with your mortgage company. This is the formal contract between you and the bank where they agree to give you money and you agree to pay according to its terms. The mortgage company will then issue a check for the agreed upon amount. You can have that check made out directly to your spouse, so there is no question that their equitable interest has been paid and the judgment satisfied.

You should treat this appointment as high-priority. If a closing has to be postponed, it can create delays in executing your Absolute Judgment of Divorce, and could even result in post-judgment motions to enforce the judgment and force you to pay your ex-spouse what you owe.

Can You Remove Someone’s Name from a Mortgage Without Refinancing

When a property is transferred as part of a divorce settlement, some banks will allow the mortgage to be transferred to a new borrower, without the need for refinancing. This may require you to find a new co-signer, like a parent, who will step into the place of your ex-spouse. This transfer will allow you to get your ex-spouse off the mortgage without exposing you to higher interest rates or fees. Before your lender allows the transfer, they may want to perform a new credit check or investigation to determine your level of risk.

Loans can also be “assumed” – meaning that a new person may agree to pay a debt owed by someone else. This will generally not work if the original mortgage was in both spouses’ name, since both you and your spouse are already obligated to pay the debt. However, if you are awarded a property that your spouse borrowed money to pay for, assumption of the loan can be a way to remove your ex-spouse’s name from the mortgage without refinancing.

Get Help Removing Your Ex-Spouse’s Name from the Mortgage

The work of getting divorced doesn’t end when your judgment is entered. It is up to you and your ex-spouse to do the things the Maryland court has ordered – including taking your spouse off the mortgage. The Law Office of Shelly M. Ingram can help. We can walk you through the process and ensure that you have done everything you are required to do under the Absolute Judgment of Divorce, so you can start your single life on the right foot. Call us at (240) 652-2596">(240) 652-2596 or contact us online to schedule a consultation at our Howard County family law firm located in the Maple Lawn business district of Fulton, Maryland. We look forward to working with you.

If you and your spouse are ready to take a break, you may be interested in how to separate in a healthy way and reduce conflict. Here are some tips that can help you move toward a healthy separation so you can protect yourself and your children from conflict and grief.

1. Understand the Process of Separation from Marriage

Couples separate for multiple reasons. Sometimes not living together can make it easier to repair your relationship through couples counseling. However, when the relationship has truly ended, moving out is the first step in the process of separation from marriage. Because divorce is a legal process it is important to know what is expected of you before you begin. There is no legal separation in Maryland. In addition, the laws about separation prior to divorce are changing as of October 2023.

Under the new law, couples will need to “pursue separate lives” and live “separate and apart” from one another for at least 6 months before filing a complaint for divorce. (This is decreased from one year under the current law.) While the new law no longer requires you and your spouse to maintain separate households, it should be clear that the relationship is over. Once that 6 months has expired, or you and your spouse have agreed on a Mutual Consent Divorce, you can file your complaint and ask a Maryland family court judge to end your marriage.

2. Make a Plan for Finances and Children During Separation

Separation and divorce often mean transitioning from a two-income, two-parent household to supporting yourself and your children as a single parent, at least part of the time. This is a big change that may make it difficult or even impossible to maintain your current standard of living. Before you start packing, make a budget that covers all your expenses during separation. You can use that budget to negotiate a separation agreement that includes temporary alimony and child support to provide for your family until you can finalize your divorce.

Your children need stability during separation too. You can reduce the negative effect of divorce on your children simply by making a plan with your spouse about their custody and visitation ahead of time. That way your children will know neither parent is abandoning them. Establishing a consistent schedule will make it easier for them – and you – to remember and predict when they will spend time with each parent.

3. Be Respectful and Considerate to Promote Healthy Separation

There is a reason you are separating from your spouse. No one expects you to be their best friend. However, treating one another with respect and consideration can go a long way to a healthy separation, and a low-conflict divorce.

Many people are successful in treating their former spouse like a business partner in the shared venture of raising children, selling their home, or dividing up their property. By using professionalism as a guide to interactions with your spouse, you can keep from aggravating those emotional issues that caused you to separate in the first place. In addition, it will model appropriate behavior for your children and let them know it is okay for them to still love both their parents.

4. Establish Boundaries During Separation

At the Law Office of Shelly M. Ingram, we know how important a healthy separation is to resolving your marriage with respect. If your goal is to minimize conflict in your separation and divorce, we will meet with you and help you create a plan for your separation and choose the right process for your divorce. If you have a legal need and would like to speak with an attorney, please call us to schedule a consultation.

Separation and divorce are emotionally difficult, even in low-conflict families. The way your spouse communicates with you or attempts to be involved in your life during separation can “trigger” your emotions. You may get angry or upset, and this can cause you to lash out at them or in the presence of your children.

One way to prevent this is to establish boundaries between you and your spouse:

• Will you visit one another or make any efforts to reconcile during your separation?
• Will you attend couples counseling or marriage counseling together?
• How will you and your children celebrate holidays?
• What issues are off-limits? (For example, did they get to know that you have started dating?)
• What is the best method for communication? (Phone calls, text messages, emails? Be sure never to pass messages through your children.)
• Are there exceptions for emergencies?
• How quickly do you expect to respond and receive responses to messages? (12 hours? 24 hours? Be sure to leave yourself time to process your emotions before responding.)
• Can either spouse call a “time out” if discussions get heated? If so, how will discussions resume?
• What topics are better directed at your divorce attorney?

Clearly establishing and communicating your boundaries during separation can help you maintain emotional distance from your spouse and prevent emotional spikes.

5. Keep Communication Lines Open During Separation

While you want to establish healthy boundaries, don’t let that “good fence” turn into a stone wall. It is often tempting to shut your spouse out during separation and focus on yourself and your needs. However, if you have children in common or are still trying to resolve property issues for your upcoming divorce, a lack of communication will often work against you. At a minimum it will slow down the resolution of your marriage and raise attorney fees. In more severe cases, refusing to communicate with a co-parent can work against you when you eventually ask your Maryland family law judge to resolve issues of child custody and visitation.

6. Choose Collaborative Divorce for Finalizing Separation Agreements

If you and your spouse agree to prioritize a healthy separation, one way to put that commitment into action is through the Collaborative Divorce process. Collaborative law is an out-of-court divorce option that prioritizes mutual respect and dispute resolution. It allows you and your spouse to work with professionals, including your own collaborative divorce attorneys, a divorce coach, therapists, financial advisors, and others, to create a plan for your separation and subsequent divorce. Those who use Collaborative Divorce to finalize their separation agreements often find that the solution they reach is more tailored to their needs, and more durable in the face of future changes than a court-ordered divorce and custody order entered after an adversarial trial or hearing.

7. Get Help Coping with Separation and Divorce

One of the best tips for a healthy separation is “don’t do it alone!” Ending a long-term relationship is hard and you will face emotional and practical struggles as you go through the process. It is best if you build a support team to help you including:

• Trusted friends and family members
• Confidantes
• Child-care providers (if you have young children)
• Divorce coaches or therapists
• Divorce attorney

Knowing who to go to for comfort and who to listen to for advice is a key part of healthy separation and divorce. While friends and family members can be a great shoulder to cry on, you should always work with an experienced Maryland separation and divorce lawyer and listen to their advice to negotiate your separation agreement and prepare yourself for life as a divorced person.

At the Law Office of Shelly M. Ingram, we know how important a healthy separation is to resolving your marriage with respect. If your goal is to minimize conflict in your separation and divorce, we will meet with you and help you create a plan for your separation and choose the right process for your divorce. If you have a legal need and would like to speak with an attorney, please call us at (240) 652-2596">(240) 652-2596 or contact us through our website to schedule a consultation. We look forward to working with you.

Divorce mediation is a tool that helps Maryland couples dissolve their marriages peacefully and with respect for one another’s priorities. However, when emotions run high, it can lead you to wonder, “How does divorce mediation work?” The truth is, for mediation to work, both parties must be ready to compromise and cooperate to reach a mutually beneficial resolution. If you can do that, the settlement agreement you reach at mediation may outlast any order entered by the court. 

What Happens in Divorce Mediation?

The goal of divorce mediation is simple: to provide a space and a structure to allow you and your soon-to-be-ex-spouse to work through the disputed issues in your case, and come to terms you both can agree to. Divorce mediation is an “alternate dispute resolution” process that can be used to resolve:

• Child custody and visitation
• Child support
• Alimony
• Division of property
• Temporary issues (such as the payment of household expenses pending divorce)

Your mediator will not decide your case. They are not a judge, and in fact have no authority to reach a decision without your agreement. In most cases, they act as a neutral and are not permitted to give legal or financial advice. Instead, the mediator’s job is to facilitate negotiations between parties and their attorneys. A mediator can also use his or her experience to point out potential problems, and help parties find solutions to those problems. 

Mediation is confidential and protected. Your mediator is only allowed to disclose information necessary to prevent serious harm, death, or to defend themselves against mediation misconduct claims. Even the resulting settlement is confidential unless you and your spouse agree otherwise. This means you and your spouse can work through tough issues without worrying that what you say in the presence of the mediator will be used in court. In fact, your mediator cannot be subpoenaed as a witness. 

Mediation can take anywhere from a few hours to several days over the course of weeks or months, depending on the complexity of the case, and the parties’ needs. However, even lengthy mediation can be less expensive than going to trial. In addition, settlements reached through mediation give the parties more control over the details of their case, which in turn keeps them from having to return to court to resolve subsequent disputes. 

Will Your Divorce Go to Mediation?

Divorce mediation offers a low-conflict way for couples to resolve marriages and create a plan for the future. It can help avoid the time, expense, and emotional labor of litigation, and give more control over the outcome. Contact us to talk to a collaborative divorce attorney or schedule a mediation.

You and your spouse can choose to go to divorce mediation at any time before trial. (You can also mediate any post-judgment disputes.) In some cases, Maryland family courts will order parties to attend mediation to try to resolve the case without the need for trial. All appropriate contested custody and visitation cases are sent to mediation. 

However, in cases of domestic violence or child abuse, or when there is a substantial power difference between parties, mediation may not be appropriate –  a party with less bargaining power could feel pressured to agree to things that are not in their best interest. Maryland court rules prevent courts from ordering cases that involve a “genuine issue of abuse” to attend mediation. 

While the court can order parties to attend mediation, it can’t order parties to settle. If you and your spouse are unable to agree or resolve your issues in mediation, you can still have the matter decided by the Court.

Divorce Mediation Process

The specific process used for your divorce mediation will vary depending on your court, the issues, in your case, and your mediator. However, most mediations involve common steps.

Preparing for Mediation

The success of any divorce mediation depends on meaningful preparation by both parties. Often, when mediation needs to be adjourned or rescheduled it is because parties don’t have enough information to resolve their case. That’s why you and your divorce attorney (if you have one) should do the work to investigate your case and establish what the issues are before sitting down with the mediator. 

The most successful mediations begin with each party having a clear understanding of:

• The location and value of both parties’ assets
• The amounts of any debts (and whose name they are held in)
• Their priorities among the various issues
• Both parties’ work schedules (or how and when they are determined)
• The children’s school schedules, extracurricular activities, and other recurring events
• Reasonable household budgets after separation
• Employment, income, and compensation information
• Information on the availability of health, dental, and vision insurance
• Transportation time and costs for parenting exchanges

When divorce mediation happens within the context of litigation, this information is often gained through “discovery” – the formal exchange of documents and information that allows each party to develop his or her case. However, if you and your spouse are engaging in early divorce mediation, including before you separate, you will still want to gather information ahead of time to make the most efficient use of your time with the mediator. 

Many mediators ask each party to present a mediation summary describing the outstanding issues and proposed solutions in the days leading up to mediation. This is your opportunity to lay out your understanding of the financial and practical aspects of the divorce, and to propose a solution based on your priorities. You should not expect to agree with everything your spouse writes in their mediation summary. If you did, you wouldn’t need to go to mediation. Remember that this is a starting point. Your mediator will use these summaries to understand the key issues in the case, and evaluate how far apart the parties are, and how best to move them closer together. 

During Mediation

You and your spouse will be asked to be present at a specific time and place, often the mediator’s office. Modern divorce mediation sometimes happens electronically using video conferencing software. If you will be participating remotely, be certain you are in a place where you won’t be interrupted, have a reliable internet connection, and have water, tissues, and paper and pen available to you. Unless you and your spouse have agreed otherwise, you should not have anyone else present during your mediation. Exceptions to this may include:

• Translator or interpreter
• Financial planner or accountant
• Divorce coach or therapist

Each of these professionals can help you to better communicate with each other and with the mediator, or understand the practical impact of proposed solutions. However, you should never surprise your spouse with a third party’s presence. If you need a ride to mediation, ask your support person to remain outside the building, or return later to pick you up. 

During divorce mediation, your mediator will steer and facilitate conversation between the parties focusing on the issues you each identified as top priorities. They can do this in a variety of ways:

• Holding one-on-one meetings with each party
• “Shuttling” between parties who are both present, but in separate rooms
• Hosting joint sessions with everyone present
• Pausing or rescheduling mediation so the parties can investigate options, consider proposals, or release emotional tension

Mediation can take as long, or as short, as the parties need it to. You should feel comfortable asking for a break. Remember that external factors like hunger can make it hard to think clearly and moderate your emotions. If you find you need to use the restroom or get a snack, or if you are feeling overwhelmed with emotion for any reason, tell the mediator so they can find an appropriate time to pause. Then you can reconvene with a clear head. 

Preparing the Settlement Agreement

Mediation ends in one of two ways:

• Parties agree that further mediation will not help, and they return to court for litigation
• Parties reach an agreement and the mediator or their attorneys prepare a settlement agreement

Remember that you can come to a partial settlement, resolving some issues while leaving others up to the court. This is often highly effective in cases that involve unique legal issues, or where additional fact-finding is needed before a specific issue can be resolved (such as establishing the value of a piece of property or business interest). 

If you were ordered to attend mediation and were unable to resolve your case, the mediator may prepare a report stating only that you attended and that further mediation is not recommended, which you or your attorney can file with the court. 

However, if you do resolve some or all of your disputes, the mediator will prepare a written settlement agreement for both parties to sign. This is a binding legal contract that can only be set aside by the Maryland family court. You are not allowed to simply change your mind after signing the mediation agreement. Be sure to read everything carefully and ask any questions you may have about the language. The time to work out the details of your agreement is while you are still in mediation. Don’t be afraid to ask for clarification. 

What Happens After Mediation in Divorce?

A mediator cannot finalize your divorce. When mediation is complete, your case must go before a judge for the entry of a Judgment of Absolute Divorce. You or your divorce attorney can use your mediation agreement to prepare that judgment, including all its terms or simply refer to the document you and your spouse signed. Then, you can ask the court to sign a judgment formally ending your marriage and adopting the settlement you and your spouse reached together through mediation.

On the other hand, if you did not settle everything in mediation, the court will schedule the remaining issues in your case for trial. You can use a partial settlement to limit the issues presented at trial, which will make litigation faster and less expensive. However, anything not resolved with the help of the mediator will be up to the judge to decide. This means you and your spouse will have less control over that aspect of the case, and you will need to accept whatever the judge decides. 

What Can You Do to Make Mediation Successful?

Given the time, expense, and loss of control that comes with litigation, many attorneys and divorcing couples believe that mediation is a better way to end a marriage. However, as you can see, a successful mediation depends on both parties’ ability to cooperate and compromise. That can be hard when emotions run high. However, there are some things you can do to make the process easier and improve your chances of success:

• Work with a therapist or counselor to address your emotional needs outside mediation
• Stay open-minded and willing to consider other options
• Think of your spouse as a business partner to accomplish your goals
• Focus on objective aspects of your case, rather than telling your story
• Be practical with proposed solutions
• If something seems unreasonable, ask questions 
• Take breaks 
• Listen to your attorney, the mediator, and your spouse
• Know what is most important to you, and where you can be flexible
• For custody, visitation, and child support issues, put your children’s needs first

Divorce mediation offers a low-conflict way for couples to resolve their marriages and create a plan for the future of their family and their children. It can help you avoid the time, expense, and emotional labor of litigation, and give you more control over the outcome of your case. A trained mediator can guide you through custody, property, and financial issues in your divorce mediation to help each side protect his or her priorities and find common ground. All of the attorneys at the Law Office of Shelly M. Ingram, LLC are also trained mediators. Shelly has been a family law mediator since 2005, and has worked with numerous couples in Howard County and across Maryland to explore their options and communicate their needs in an honest and respectful manner. Call (240) 652-2596">(240) 652-2596 or contact us online to schedule a mediation or to speak with one of our attorneys about how to prepare for mediation.

When a couple has been married and lived together for many years, it is not uncommon that one spouse will provide more financial support for the household than the other. When the marriage relationship breaks down, it can be challenging for the financially “dependent” spouse to fully separate from their shared household and live a financially independent life. If you have been financially dependent upon your spouse, you may wonder whether you will get alimony as part of your Maryland divorce, and how alimony is calculated.

What is Alimony?

Alimony is court-ordered financial support paid by one spouse (the payer) to the other spouse (the payee or recipient) leading up to a divorce or after the divorce is final. There are two types of alimony in Maryland:

• Rehabilitative alimony is short-term spousal support that is designed to support a dependent spouse while he or she takes steps to become self-supporting. This is the type of alimony more often awarded by the Court.
• Indefinite alimony has no specific end date and can be awarded in cases of disability, illness, age, or financial disadvantage, to help the payee maintain a standard of living similar to that experienced during the marriage

Alimony can be awarded retroactively to the date the request for support was filed. This means requests for alimony are often included in a dependent spouse’s initial complaint for absolute divorce.

Who is Entitled to Receive Alimony in a Maryland Divorce?

Alimony can be awarded to either spouse – husband or wife – based on that party’s needs and threats to their standard of living. At the core of every alimony decision are findings that one spouse is in need of financial assistance and the other spouse has the ability to pay. Often, it is awarded to a stay-at-home parent or homemaker, allowing them to reenter the workforce, receive additional training, or build up their resume to become self-supporting. Alimony can also be awarded if one spouse has significant physical or mental health disabilities that prevent them from working.

How is Alimony Calculated in Maryland?

At the Law Office of Shelly M. Ingram, we understand how alimony is determined, and the factors that must be considered, including who is entitled to receive payment. We know how to prove when spousal support is appropriate. If you need help supporting yourself following a divorce, contact us online to schedule a confidential consultation with a Maryland divorce attorney.

Unlike some nearby states, Maryland does not have a divorce alimony calculator or formula, so the judge will weigh many factors to calculate the amount of spousal support. Other states may calculate an appropriate alimony award to equalize the parties’ income, often calculated in addition to any child support the payee is entitled to receive. However, in Maryland, the amount and duration of alimony payments are based on the specific facts of each case, rather than setting a fixed amount based on a mathematical formula.

Factors Considered in Awarding Alimony

In deciding whether to award alimony, Maryland family court judges must consider all factors necessary to reach a fair and equitable award. What that means varies from case to case, but according to Maryland divorce laws, it includes:

• The recipient spouse’s ability to be wholly or partially self-supporting
• How long it will take for the payee to gain sufficient education and employment
• The family’s prior standard of living
• The length of the marriage
• Each spouse’s contributions – monetary and nonmonetary – to the family’s wellbeing
• The circumstances that contributed to the parties’ estrangement (what caused the divorce)
• The parties’ ages
• The physical and mental condition of each party
• They payer’s ability to pay alimony and still meet their own needs
• Any agreement between the parties
• The financial needs of each party (including income, income producing assets, retirement benefits, and financial obligations)
• Whether support would make a spouse eligible for medical assistance earlier than without it

A party seeking alimony should work with their Maryland alimony attorney to present evidence of their income, expenses, monthly payments or household budget, and even their mental and physical health to demonstrate that support is necessary in their case.

How are Spousal Support Payments Paid in Maryland

Alimony is generally awarded as a set amount paid per week, month, quarter, or year for a set amount of time in the case of rehabilitative alimony, or, in the case of indefinite alimony, until the payee remarries or the need for support ends. Sometimes, the court will enter an Income Withholding Order that will allow the payer’s employer to deduct support payments directly from the payer’s paycheck. Other times, the Court will permite a party to make direct payments to his or her former spouse.

In cases where periodic payments don’t make sense or there is risk of the payer depleting assets rather than satisfying his or her support obligations, the Court may order a lump-sum payment as part of the judgment of divorce. If the paying spouse is self-employed or does not receive a regular paycheck, this may also serve as a good reason for the Court to Order front-loaded or lump sum alimony which would allow the recipient spouse to invest the funds and use them as needed to pay for support and living expenses.

At the Law Office of Shelly M. Ingram, our Maryland divorce lawyers know how important alimony payments can be to help our clients put their marriage behind them and build a successful foundation for their future. We know when and how alimony will be awarded, and how to prove support is appropriate in your case. If you need help supporting yourself following a divorce, call us at (240) 652-2596">(240) 652-2596 or contact us online to schedule a confidential consultation with an attorney.